This is pretty good. I remember the first time I got on a horse. I live in suburbia, where there are practically no horses. However, I went to visit my friends on their farm, and everyone was really in to going horseback riding. I had never been on a horse, and was totally freaked out. I ended up not having much of a choice because my friend's brothers practically forced me on him. But, I liked it in the end. This is definitely an inspiring story of how your horse gave you back the will to fight. I would add a little bit more details to develop this into a full story. It would make an interesting short story about maybe you meeting your horse and how exactly he helped you to overcome your health problems. Just my humble suggestions.
~Tonks
This is a good start. Are you trying to follow a particular form? If you are, I'd suggest taking a re-look at this. If not, just ignore this next part: Your first stanza has three lines, but all your following stanzas have four. This isn't necessarily wrong, but it can make your poem awkward. Also, if you are following a form, your rhyme scheme has no pattern to it. You have internal rhyme on the last stanza, but no internal rhyme on the others. Also, you don't have a definite rhyme scheme as your first stanza is a,a,a your second, baca, and third: a,d,a. Of course, if this is just a free-verse, please just ignore what I have just said.
This is a good poem. However, even if it is free-verse, I would still take another look at it. It reads a bit awkwardly. One thing to try is to read your poem out-loud. This way, you can hear for yourself the places that don't flow as well as others.
Just a few tips!
Over all, a good job!
Keep writing!
~Tonks
That was really really good! I'm so glad that you took the time to write this down! It struck a deep chord within me, as I have felt the same thing. It almost made me cry. The only thing I can see to change is just a technical thing, In poetry, it is considered good form to capitalize the first letter of every line, even if it doesn't start a new sentence (unless of course you are E. M. Cummings )
Good job and keep writing!
Wow! This was your first poem??? That's amazing. My first poem never turned out that good!
Your flow was very nice, each line lead into the next. Your rhythm was very nice as well. Writing anything anapestic is a challenge (at least for me), you did such a nice job. It didn't sound forced at all.
I liked your ending the best. It summed everything up so well, but yet left me wanting to know more. That's very good! It reminds me of broken relationships in my own life. You did so well at capturing all this emotion. Overall, good job!
Wow. That was really good. I have had it happen in real life, not just a dream. Not exactly like that, but it was very close. You did such an amazing job putting those emotions into words. Amazing.
Wow! This is great! I've read a lot of fan-fics on this sight, but this is the best one that I've ever read! I love the marauders, although, I must confess, I like Sirius quite a bit, I share your character's view of James! I'm really glad to see that it mainly about Remus, though. There aren't many fan-fics out there that have him as a main part.
You are going to write more chapters, right? You have to! I want to find out what happens next!
Well, great job. If you have the time, take a look at port. I do have a few fanfics and some other stuff there, if you're interested. Drop me an email when you post more chapters!
As always, keep writing.
This is absolutely hilarious! It is the best fanfic I have read on this sight! I don't think that I have read something this funny for a real long time.
Where did you get the idea for this? It is very unique. I fell awkward asking, but would you be willing to review my fanfics?
Again, great job and keep writing!
This really is "something nice"! :)
My only suggestion would be to expand it some more. Give it a little more depth and make a bit longer in order to further develop your characters. Maybe explain how her friend died, or describe what her friend's ghost looks like to her, or maybe how the psychiatrist looks. Just a few thoughts.
Keep writing and let me know when you post anything else - I'd really like to review it!
Very cute! I really liked it. You reviewed my story, so I'm returning the favor. I'm glad that you've joined the site. Welcome and may your artistic muse take you where you want it to. Have fun and keep on writing!
Very nice, clear meter. I really liked it. It takes a lot of talent to be able to make a clear message come across in a short space and without "muddying" it. Good job!
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