This was an excellent example of the difference in a showing and telling piece. I would suggest to anyone needing an example of showing verses telling to read this!
This is very well done. You went from telling to showing in an excellent manner. I actually felt like I was there with Clint in the showing part , as for the telling part , well it felt just like I was being told, not much feeling to it at all.
This has potential. I had a little trouble following it. Some of the words seem kind of out of place otherwise it was a good poem with lots of potential. Keep writing. The poem definitely had a lot of feelings behind it. I could really connect with this line: That we have nothing to declare, without the persecution of the divine, this is so very true.
I thought your poem definitely had meaning. I thought it was presented very well. If we could all erase our memory especially of the bad, then I think it would pave our way to being able to clear the way and start over fresh. I only saw one thing, if you were going for rhyming each line, thought and not do not rhyme. Maybe using the word "ought" instead. Just a thought. I am not a poetry writer so I do not know much about writing poetry. But I do know that you got the point across very well.
Thank you for such good advice. I have always had trouble with number 5 and 6. You gave good advice on how to handle each of them. And to be honest with you number 7, I have put on the back burner. Maybe that is my biggest mistake. Thank you again for reminding me, that HE is the one I need to look to first in my life. So often we fail to overlook that major part of our lives.
There is only one other thing I can add to your list which goes along with number 3. That is a micro-tape recorder. I have one small enough to fit in my purse or my jacket pocket. It has come in very handy especially when driving down the road or jogging or exercising , where pen and paper or a laptop or palm pilot can't be used safely. In fact, I find it handier than a palm or laptop because I can record the expressions and feelings that I am having and replay them over and over again. I can actually hear how it sounds and what readers would be "listening" to themselves. It helps in the editing process.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kottenkandy
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 9:01am on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
