This was an excellent example of the difference in a showing and telling piece. I would suggest to anyone needing an example of showing verses telling to read this!
This is very well done. You went from telling to showing in an excellent manner. I actually felt like I was there with Clint in the showing part , as for the telling part , well it felt just like I was being told, not much feeling to it at all.
This has potential. I had a little trouble following it. Some of the words seem kind of out of place otherwise it was a good poem with lots of potential. Keep writing. The poem definitely had a lot of feelings behind it. I could really connect with this line: That we have nothing to declare, without the persecution of the divine, this is so very true.
I thought your poem definitely had meaning. I thought it was presented very well. If we could all erase our memory especially of the bad, then I think it would pave our way to being able to clear the way and start over fresh. I only saw one thing, if you were going for rhyming each line, thought and not do not rhyme. Maybe using the word "ought" instead. Just a thought. I am not a poetry writer so I do not know much about writing poetry. But I do know that you got the point across very well.
Thank you for such good advice. I have always had trouble with number 5 and 6. You gave good advice on how to handle each of them. And to be honest with you number 7, I have put on the back burner. Maybe that is my biggest mistake. Thank you again for reminding me, that HE is the one I need to look to first in my life. So often we fail to overlook that major part of our lives.
There is only one other thing I can add to your list which goes along with number 3. That is a micro-tape recorder. I have one small enough to fit in my purse or my jacket pocket. It has come in very handy especially when driving down the road or jogging or exercising , where pen and paper or a laptop or palm pilot can't be used safely. In fact, I find it handier than a palm or laptop because I can record the expressions and feelings that I am having and replay them over and over again. I can actually hear how it sounds and what readers would be "listening" to themselves. It helps in the editing process.
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