This was a lot of fun for me--especially since I'm such a huge nerd! No, I'm just kidding. I really enjoyed it, though. It was a good time killer--especially since I was supposed to be working on chemistry homework! They can't say I wasn't doing science! Thanks for making this.
I enjoyed reading this, coming from a dysfunctional family myself. It was very interesting and relatable to me to hear Laura talking about how her memories of material things were much stronger and meant more than the people she knew. I feel a certain kinship to her. Very good job!
I liked this a whole lot. It felt very real and true to life, which can sometimes be hard to find in stories. Often, the dialogue sounds scripted or faked, but yours made sense and seemed genuine. Real things happened to characters who seemed very real.
This was beautiful. Very well written, jpmurphy. I particularly liked your refrain of "God please, stay right here, do not disappear". It gave it even more impact when you change at the last line to "God please, come back here, do not disappear". That change gave the poem a more sincere, desperate sound I felt. Good job. Really, I can't find anything to criticize.
This is wonderful. So short, yet very poignant. You really capture the vulnerability a long-buried tragedy can instill in a person. Well done. You summarize Lani's drowning very well, in a way that doesn't seem too we're-now-going-to-have-a-tragic-flashback-and-reveal-all-of-this-character's-insecurities-and-problems, if that makes sense. That's always been a pet peeve of mine, so kudos to you, Ruth.
Gorgeous. Your analogies are lush and surprisingly fleshed out for a poem, yet it doesn't take away from the flow of the story. VERY well done, my friend. I enjoyed reading this. Overall, it's a wonderful poem.
I thought this was good. It's not every day you come across a poem that's about something relatable without being absolutely swamped with metaphors and similes. I applaud you. If you're looking for constructive criticism, one thing I noticed was that if flowed a bit awkwardly. I don't think your syllable relationships were set in stone, and on a few lines I felt either over- or underwhelmed with words. Still, it's very good. I hope you're proud of yourself!
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