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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ls144780
Review Requests: ON
139 Public Reviews Given
153 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm honest but constructive. I'll explain why I give the number of stars I give and what you could do to improve that. I do fix grammar as well as look at style, emotional triggers, characters, and other things like that. I'll get back to you with a full review in a couple of days or so after the request, depending on the length of the item.
I'm good at...
I'll read almost anything. I look at everything I can in regards to your writing.
Favorite Genres
Fiction of any kind
Least Favorite Genres
fanfiction where I don't know the universe or subject matter, erotica, western.
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, pretty much anything.
Least Favorite Item Types
Full-length books, although I will review them.
I will not review...
I will not review Erotica or Sexual things.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Day Dawning  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Again, I love the images that this poetry evokes, but I do have one suggestion: focus less on the description and more on the flow. Your descriptions are beautiful, and for that you should be proud, but I feel in terms of a poem it compromises rhythm for prose. It's certainly easy to do, and I feel that all poets fall into this "trap" every now and then. All-in-all, I still very much enjoyed the read.

Thanks for sharing,
LorenIsOneOfMyNames
SIG
2
2
Review of Love Lost  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Again, great work with the rhyme scheme. I've detected a possible trend in your rhyming style, and I think it works well for you, where the second and fourth lines rhyme but the first and third do not. A small suggestion, though, if I may: In the third stanza, the first line reads "Perhaps it would be easier". I think changing the wording to be slightly shorter might make it flow better, but that of course is up to you.

Thank you for sharing!

LorenIsOneOfMyNames
SIG
3
3
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is very good, the rhyme scheme evokes a steady rhythm, and I got an almost "stream of consciousness" vibe from it. The first and last lines coincide very well, with the first setting the stage and the last summing up the poem. I feel the connection between the title of the poem and the last line, and I feel it works very well.

Great work!
LorenIsOneOfMyNames
SIG
4
4
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This story was very good, I like the closing sentence especially. As a short story, it works well, but could easily accommodate a potential goal of being several chapters, if you'd be interested in trying to expand. It captured my attention well and was a fun read. :)
5
5
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I'm not into this sort of thing, so I'm simply looking at the technical aspects of your story. You do well with dialogue and description, and your characters are all unique and defined (Although this is fan fiction of sorts, so that's a slightly less complicated task. Either way, you write well.

Good job :)
6
6
Review of That Chair There  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm here for the review request!

I really, really like this. It gives me Dr. Seuss vibes with the rhyming.

I especially like this stanza:

"So we went to a store that they call Man Made Chairs,
They had big chairs and small chairs and chairs that have hairs
The biggest big place that I ever had seen.
Chairs in all colors: red, blue, white and green."

but I would suggest a hyphen in between "Man" and "Made" (Man-Made)

I don't see any grammatical errors or anything, so kudos there :)

Very, very good job here. You should be proud.

SIG
7
7
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good job! :)
8
8
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm nominating stolenthrones and (if possible Mini Mango#Cereal Mister)
9
9
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Go Braves!!!! :)

SIG
10
10
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is so cute :)
11
11
Review of Accept  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think we accept a lot of things. Right now, I'm accepting that accepting is the only way forward. It's a bit melancholy, isn't it?

This is a good poem, I like the form you used.

That last line, though.

"Beaten, you dare not raise our eyes; or your voice.
You accept that you must accept."

Very, very well written.
12
12
Review of Decypher  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm here to deliver on my promise last night!

Wow.

I think my mind was just blown. It's your introduction...it grasps a reader by the eyes and pulls them in by the mind.

"deficient decoders trying their hardest to be the first crossing the finish line; The first ringing the bell, bragging before their competence, not sparing any time to learn love." Deficient Decoders is such a good description for these people. This line alone could stand and ring true, without any help from the others.

"Perhaps my opinion is only filled with malaise, poisoning my hope. Or maybe, my experiences are just tainted by evil. Though my outlook is heavy, and my thoughts melancholy, I still carry expectations; A hopeless romantic screams just beneath my skin, begging to be recognized. How can something so sour on my tongue be so enchanting in my bones? Is there really such a battle between heart and mind? Why must tomorrow be so promising, and yesterday so depraved?"

Most of these are rhetorical questions posed to the reader. It makes you think, really think, and the conclusion isn't always a welcome one. In my experience, that's the best kind of rhetorical.

I never learn.

Such a good line. It's heavy, it's weighty, but it isn't too much that it makes you sad. More like..bittersweet?

Fabulous Job.
13
13
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Sounds like a merry Christmas to me, indeed! Who wouldn't want mountains of GPs?

This can be read in the style of the original very closely, so well done on that. I especially like the inclusion of the mouse in the beginning, I think it pulls the "real" story into your parody even more.

Great job!

LorenIsOneOfMyNames Author IconMail Icon
14
14
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I did actually sing this, and it sounds astoundingly close to the original in both measure and cadence, so kudos on that. Although it appears I was (7) Bothering my sister when I sang "don't pick your nose" all nice and drawn out like "fiiiive Golden rinnngs!"

Thank you for a great parody and a laugh!

LorenIsOneOfMyNames Author IconMail Icon
15
15
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow...this is such a good poem. It's approaching Christmas this year, so I thought I'd come to review some holiday works (I wonder if they get reviewed any other time of year?) And came across this one. I'm blown away. This serves as a great reminder to all that money isn't everything, and that there are people less fortunate than you that deserve to be blessed, both by God and the community around them.

Merry Christmas, friend.

LorenIsOneOfMyNames Author IconMail Icon
16
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Review of ARE YOU A TEEN?  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
As a teen, this poem is perfect, Lurie! It characterizes the things we get asked and have assumed about us every day. I like the rhyming pattern and the language used throughout.


Great job! :)
17
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Review of Walls Could Talk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good job! I really like the figurative language used throughout and the use of emotions.
18
18
for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dark and deeply mysterious...I like it. My interpretation of it is this:

The first 2 lines represent the logical reaction to a nightmare, and the last lines represent the irrational fear of the unknown. I could be wrong, but that's my take on it.

Either way, great, great job!
19
19
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very interesting concept! I look forward to seeing where you go with this, and I would love to read more in the future. I don't see any errors, so good job! :)
20
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Review of Shade  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great job! I really like this, and I think you should expand it! :)

I' don't see any errors (grammar wise), so good job there :)

Keep writing!
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Review of Peace  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm always down for Peacee! (lol) Great poem and good rhyme scheme! Keep doing what you're doing!
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Review of WINTER REST  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this poem..it makes me remember things from my earlier childhood. :) Good job!
23
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Rated: E | (5.0)
True nuff...:)
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Review of Deep Sea Diving  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great job. I like the description and the word choice. :)
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Review of Ritual of Life  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good poem! I like the use of figurative language. :)
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