Powerful bit of story telling in a short amount of words. You're able to convey with this a story between the lines. Implied actions and devastation without having to spell it out. I quite enjoyed this one.
A good poem with some good imagery. It got a little confusing in the middle for a moment, but I kind of like them that way, allows the reader to apply their own interpretation.
There is a good flow and bounce with the language here as well. Overall, a good job thanks for sharing this poem here.
A good story. Like the letter nature, the emotional impact. You begin to question whether its a son or daughter. Whether this person was their spouse or parent.
That's a sign of a well written story. When we come away intrigued, desiring more. To spend more time with these characters.
Great pacing. Action ramped up here like watching a good horror movie. I got the impression that this is a dinner they've sat through countless times before.
Not a great fan of ambiguous endings but you make it work here.
The language in the beginning of some of the descriptions are slightly clunky at times but it still works. That's the only real advice I can give you here with this one.
Some good advice here. The old adage of "Inside you is two wolves".
It's hard to develop good habits to replace the bad ones, to develop good things to break the bad, but worth it in the end.
Trouble is, most of the time people rarely acknowledge how difficult changing and breaking habits can be. It all seems easy for most self help things to say.
You do acknowledge a bit of this here. Which I like. We are who we choose to be, after all.
A very beautiful and poignant slice of life piece about loss. Normally, I'd take a minute here to offer some advice in how to improve. However, any real advice I can give would simply be nitpicking.
The home was described well, leaving the atmosphere feel empty, as if it was missing something. The characters felt real, not like characters in a tale. This is done with idiosyncrasies and habits that reveal their nature, but also adds to the melancholy of the piece.
When work reaches a certain age I try not to review things, but I couldn't help myself here.
Within this poem is a full day of fun and enjoyment. Not only can I see you and Emily there, I can feel myself along with you, almost feel the heat upon me, taste the cold root beer. Quite an accomplishment, especially for such a short poem. Great work!
This has some good pacing. Some odd changes in rhythm here and there, which I like. It forces you to pay attention rather than getting lulled into a comfort that would let the poem fall into background noise.
The only nitpick I have is a repeated word. Granted, it is a nitpick, which is why I held it to last.
A good flash fiction that small children can enjoy. Simple motivations, simple word choices, even simple scene descriptions to give you a vision of the action without over complicating things.
Given that it's also a flash fiction, simple scene descriptions work best, too. It does work as a small joke especially the "you're both plumb foolish" at the end. I struggle to see if anymore could have been done with this. I really enjoyed this story.
It has a musical quality to it that I most enjoy. I can almost hear the guitar in the background of this one. It's simple, and in this format quite effective. If you do record this one day, I hope you'll link it here so we can hear it.
I like the unique words chosen here. They paint a picture of a grand, yet strange design.
It leaves a person feeling uncomfortable, as if beauty has been kiltered, cracked.
The only criticism I can offer is this: I can tell you wrote this in Microsoft Word. Every letter that starts a new line is capitalized, whether it begins a new sentence or idea or not.
It's a great poem and makes one think - as all great poetry should.
A bit of a slice of life here. I know some would knock it for not having a real conflict or a tough dramatic change, but not all stories require that, especially if they can bring a smile to your face.
It's a good short bit over all. Though a stronger conflict and twist would make it more engaging, it makes me wonder if it would make it better or not?
I quite enjoyed this one. Hope you won the contest this was for.
A bit of darkness in this one. I did enjoy it, and though I hope this was an exercise and not a real event!
If this wasn't a real event, then that is a very good mark for you, written in a style and manner to make one think that you're speaking from the heart.
I'm not a huge fan of the last line, it makes me think that there is more to the poem that's left unsaid.
I like this one. It's a thinker. A mental chewer. Something for your mind to ponder over a bit after it's gone. A poem like this leaves a bit of an impact, and I like that it does. I especially like the line "makes a mind foolish and deaf". It certainly does, doesn't it? To the best of us if we're not careful.
There's a couple of grammatical things that pick at me a bit, like "all flesh go" instead of "all flesh goes". That's my mind wanting to associate "goes" with "all". They're not great enough though to pull me out of this one.
Some good imagery in this one. I do feel that you are trying here to be fair to both sides of this argument. Of course, I could be wrong, and admit I might be, but that's the impression I get with this. Alas, I am not reviewing your point of view, merely the poetry you used to convey it so that's as much as I will say on that matter.
This is a good example of how you can use everyday words and paint stunning images with them. Not many words chosen are derived from images themselves, yet they do point a vivid picture: ruffled and riled, gallant, dissolution, tattered children. All of these and more are used to make a powerful picture.
There isn't much that I can comment here for improvement, and honestly think any advice I give would be to the detriment of this work. Good job on this one.
I love stories about brave animals saving people, so this one definitely hit a sweet spot for me. You had good action and a good resolution, however formatting could use a touch up.
Your story was broken into two large paragraphs. Problem was there was several paragraphs of information in each one. This made it a bit tough to get through. Our eyes naturally like white space balanced through out writing. It helps them rest a bit from one body of text to the next. It also helps prevent confusion for the reader, cause it groups the main ideas of paragraphs up with sentences to support it, rather than having several ideas shoved into one paragraph. Break up your two paragraphs into more, and this story will be easier for others to read.
You have the beginnings of a good story here. I hope you don't give up on it.
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