You took the simple concept of an unsure future, and put it into eloquent words. Now, I am still left with the question unanswered. Should I go back or step into the unknown future that looks identical to the past? Which is right? At the beginning I was sure the answer was to go forward but by the end I wasn't sure. At least in the past I am aware of the trials that occurred, but I am also curious to see what may come.
Interesting thought process.
A very enjoyable read. Thank you for your work.
Elliott Zettel
Wow. So that was definitely a first for me. I don't believe that I have ever read such a detailed account of a fart.
It was interesting, and pretty good for a group of high school students. I don't think that I will stop laughing about this for a while. Overall, very well written.
I really enjoyed this poem. The flow of was great. There was just one part that tripped me up. "Claims his soul while he oversees it." I believe that there may be too many syllables here or even just a bit of rewording needed.
This concept of entitlement is a great one. I can relate to the poem, as I am sure that others will too.
I must say that my favorite part is the end.
"That vast want unfilled
Binds the man to the thought that he needs it
The substance he craves
Though his being depraved
Will be free only when he concedes it."
The man will only be free when he realizes that the material items will never be enough to make him happy.
Once again, I really liked this poem. Thank you for your work.
Elliott Zettel
"Something we want to be with.
We want things to last,
But they never could.
Maybe is life was different,
They just might would."
- This part was a bit confusing.
- I really liked this poem. It has great potential. Just clean it up a bit in the confusing parts.
- The concept is intriguing. I have never thought about forever that way.
- Very nice. :) Thank you for your work.
Positively delightful. I am very fond of this view point. Sorry for not having much else to say. I can only say that I enjoyed reading this work. What drew me in was the short description: "autobiographical or not? such is the plight of a schizophrenic prone to fragile narcissism".
I must say that I was chuckling to myself and grinning stupidly through the entire thing. Thank you for your work.
Well, now I am officially freaked out. I should have listened to my first instinct and not read this at night. Very well done. The imagery is amazing. All nightmares wish they could live up to this short story you wrote. I'm sure of it. :) Clear, and easily read, keeps the readers attention the entire time. Amazing job.
Elliott Z.
While the background is vague, this is developed well. You show rather than tell, and that gives great power to the imagination. Also the characters are left for the readers imagination to create. That is strong because it allows the reader to interact with the story, this makes it easier to hold the attention of the reader. :) Nicely done. The ending is a bit abrupt, but you can feel the fear in the girls as they realize what was in the cave. I assume that is something you wanted the reader to feel.
Elliott Z.
This is well done. I really enjoyed the images displayed in your poem. Clever rhyme and syllable scheme. It takes along of time for me to write poems with strict syllable counts. :) You have wonderful control.
Thank you for writing this. :)
Elliot Z.
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