nice treatment of questions that have been asked for years. Excellent rhyming, not forced and fit the poem's meaning.
One thought is that you might try repeating the last two lines to give the poem more impact. I re-read it and added a repeat of the last two lines and thought is stayed in my mind more that way.
Interesting perspective on one's self if I understand what you are writing. Perhaps a little short for such a grand thought but still interesting. Rhyming is good, nicely written and I liked it as it presents a different perspective than my own having always been a glass completely full and enjoy every moment kind of person. I always thought even bad times were a part of living and therefore worth having.
good humor...having an animal die can always be tricky as there are those that will roast you for making humor of it. I think the limerick form is excellent for this kind of humor as you give us a taste of humor and of sentiment, and a lesson in duck handling to boot. Nice job
well said, not overly analytic, just simple truths and pointing out that it is the foible of man to war in the name of religion, solely man's idea, not any God.
Seems to me that you are a very wise young lady to realize the life value of your running and a very smart one to be able to write about it so well. I predict great things for you.
I have a daughter that is very smart "jock" and parlayed that into a full ride all the way thru grad school. She was into sports at a young age and would later say that working hard in sports to get very competitive taught her that she could do that in school and graduated in the top ten in her very tough academically school. My other daughter is just plain smart and did the sports for fun but played all the way thru college. She felt it was good relief and fun. the other loved the competition.
You seem to have a good mix and you certainly can write as I was with you in the pre race, the race and the finish. Keep it up.
Great symbolism and use of strong verbs. At one point, I sort of thought you were trying too hard to be "literate." Still, I enjoyed and agree with the point of the poem.
first, thank you for your service. Me, Navy, probably when you were a baby - two tours in Nam. But, I digress . I read your poem because you said "not my strong suit," and I seem to find the best poems from people who think that and have done just that once again.
A subject that is ever present but rarely faced written about simply, and profoundly. Found the last stanza most interesting because as I grow older, I've pretty much stopped doing this and bet you will. Friends become more meaningful and fair weather ones are more plentiful, but seem to clog up life so we move on from them.
I can see it as I read it and loved the "gods pursed the lips...." line making it ethereal and simple at the same time. By the time I had finished reading there was a picture in front of me that was very vivid. Hard to do but you did it well.
from an ideological point of view,I can't agree that "one person tears us all apart" but I agree heartily with the theme of us needing some happiness and everyone should vote. I get so tired of the complainers that never vote.
Well written, rhymes don't feel forced. Ince job- keep it up.
Well done - having been to "Death Valley" it was nice to revisit it thru your eyes and words, You did a great job of capturing the beauty, mystery and magnificence of it. Not sure if it's a good thing to haul away a piece, no matter how small but understand the desire to do it. So, I'll get over it and just say good job.
Being a banjo playing "old folkie" old enough to have found Dylan in his very early days and then to meet him and Baez I had to come read this and I wasn't disappointed. His writing has stood the test of time as well as any and been covered for years by many, and amazingly still he produces.
Well written, a little tongue in cheek, a little bit of chastising those who don't understand but overall a nice tribute. What better tribute than to compare to a pope and want to come back as Bob. Nice job.
I noticed this and came to read it because I did a poem with the same title a few years back. I'm sure it is a title that many have used before us, but it is still one that draws a reader in to see someone else's take. Interesting to see that though different we had sort of similar thoughts that it is simply something that you feel, not see. You have an excellent command of verse and words that make the reader want to keep reading. Nice job
I like the amount of drama and sensitivity you have brought to a short simple poem. Even the format helps with the drama/impact to the reader. The use of space between lines makes the contemplation of what is coming next more intent. This method is often used but seldom as effective. Nice job and I look forward to reading more of your work.
very pointed look at the obvious that is often not so often obvious to many. a concise expression of thoughts we should all probably have more often. I liked it for it's simplicity yet it was thought provoking and not so simple that it was boring. you have talent and I encourage to write on so that we may enjoy more.
Clever poem about the kind of people that I just can't abide. One sees so many people these days that just see nothing wrong with "sucking off the public dole." It is not just for money as people do it for so many reasons
It just seems as a waste of existence and you have put it so succinctly. Well written.
still hilarious, after all these years...probably one of the best collaborations ever done on the site and by so many different people. You picked a great topic and got everyone enthused and it turned out super.
I like the idea of taking a mundane topic and making a poem of it - kind of making it more glamorous and putting its glamor and benefits into words. Sure, we all know it saves us money, improves the value and looks of "things" but a poem steps it up a notch.
The rhyming was excellent and the pace right on target for the subject. Well done!!!
It is funny, well written and flows well...I do think it is kind of a worn out theme and that it is a bit wordy for a play. That said, it does keep the humor going and maybe the theme being so typical of a couple like this is what makes it funny. I keep thinking that I know what they will say next but I keep reading and chuckling when they do say it.
clever take on an old, old theme - I liked the humorous touch and the use of the "mobster" name - strong ending. I could see it coming, but not so much as to make it boring - I wanted to see how you did it and it was excellent.
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