Interesting concept. Slightly surreal, but still very well thought out. Some of your sentences could use a bit of restructuring to help avoid run instead. Overall, well done. Keep up the good work.
I like the strong imagery you used in this chapter. It was well written, and very entertaining. The banter at the coffee shop has just the right undertones of flirting, and the ending of the chapter is very well done with the lead character showing some of her weaknesses. Well done, off to read chapter three now!
Great build up to your story. I like how you've set the opening, and laid out what the book is going to be about! I am off to read chapter 2, and am looking forward to it.
This is a really great piece. I love how you have given a machine all of the human characteristics, and feelings. Other than the " superior being portion, many of us have felt these same emotions. I appreciate you sharing this piece.
That was a really interesting piece of writing. I liked the details that you used about the beginning of the fun house. It might make the reading a little richer if you could give a bit more detail about the other rooms that you pass through. Other than that, the piece was well written. Thank you for sharing.
Each chapter keeps getting better. I love how you are developing Vivian and Rafe, their passion and commitment shine so brightly from the text! The voice of Vivian is also becoming more clear, I can almost hear it as a slightly husky, passion drenched, drawl. Not heavy, but just enough to leave you begging for more. Great job, this chapter was excellently written, and I look forward to chapter four.
Chapter two is even better than chapter one. You can feel lust and passion dripping from the text as you read it. Great job! Towards the end, about the 4th paragraph above the last lines, it would be a little helpful the have quotations on Rafe's words, just so that everyone is more clear about who it is that is speaking. Without them, it almost seems like her thoughts, until you get a few sentences into the paragrapg. But all in all, a great chapter, and I look forward to reading chapter three.
Very interesting opening chapter. It seems to be very well written, and has great flow so far! I love how real the characters come across, and opening an erotica piece with an unsolved murder is definitely a new tact from what I'm used to. I look forward to reading the next chapter, keep up the great work!
This is a very interesting story. It was very well written, and has great flow. The storyline itself is mostly believable in today's society, which just makes it all the more interesting to read. Thank you for a great read.
Jessica
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