Hi. I came across your piece from the 'Read & Review' function.
It's very interesting that you chose to introduce Jim this way. The fact that he didn't react much to his bike being missing, injured and stuck in the water (?) speaks volumes of his passive nature. Especially when he suddenly called Blanca.
Besides that, I think you should use either shorter sentences or concise words when describing a scene. Eg.
As the road bent to the left and around the foot of the hills, a meak river cut behind the hill and bends against it to meet the road head on, as the hill's foot reached its limit for infrastructural construction obstruction.
vvv
The road bent to the left and hugged the hill's foot. A thin river ran alongside it, a staple for the hill's eroded structure.
---
This way you can understand what's happening in the scene better. (Reading this, I couldn't tell whether the river was adjacent or ran underneath the road, sorry if I got it mixed up 😅)
You may take it or leave it as you like. Nice work and keep writing!
Good evening! I came across your poem 'If Trees Are Gone' from the Read and Review function and this is definitely a beautiful poem.
It's raining right now, and the sound of rain pelting on roofs and on trees are different indeed. I agree with the sentiments shared in the poem, plus it's a good read to raise awareness on the importance of trees. Thank you for your poem.
Good evening!
I came across your work in the "Please Review" section.
It looks like the MC is living under an oppressive state. The clues and tone set by the letter helps solidify the severity of the punishment.
Although, I was caught off guard when the letter called the MC a liar. It gives the image that MC is a freedom fighter? I might be wrong. It's just a suggestion, maybe using a formal way of calling them a liar would be better. Eg. Spreading rumours or conjuring false claims.
Overall, it's an interesting read! Good work and keep writing.
Good evening!
I had the pleasure of reading your story 'Descendents of Bast' and it was definitely entertaining.
It took me 'purrfect' to understand he was a cat. I do wonder what happened to Joey?
(Hopefully nothing 'cat'astrophic)
It wasn't explained and I'm left to wonder if it's an element of mystery for your story.
Overall, it was humourous and engaging. Plus, the ending was purrfect.
Hi! This was a delightful read. Especially some parts that rhymed a bit. Liked that the vibe is half serious and half comedy and the MC's personality definitely helped! Nice work ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧
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