I just finished reading"Tarik-Ari's Bio" , and I'd like to offer you the following review. This is just my humble personal opinion and I hope it helps you a little if it can be useful for you and your following writings. You are totally free to use any of my comments and ignore the rest.
General Review: I liked your style of writing of introducing the protagonist and how you managed to describe every side of character including his interests, likes, dislikes, family and friends.
Grammar and Punctuation:
In the "Likes" you wrote: Loves Egypt, I think it would look better if you say love of Egypt since you didn't apply any verb in other forms.
In "Disliked" you wrote at the end: Thieves,, the coma left me wondering and trying to relate it to the next line. I think you forgot to put a full stop or etc (...).
In the "Family/History" section, you wrote: (this section must be a minimum of 250 words). I didn't get the relation between this sentence and your article. I think it can distract your reader. So if it's not important to mention it, you can avoid it.
Favorite Points: I liked the description of Ancient Egypt, the magic, the ancient gods and how these things can affect a person and touch him personally. Though I would have preferred if you'd describe more some of the words like when you said in his "Dislikes": Dahana and wishes that McBurr would just break ties with the man, I don't think every reader would be able to understand what you mean by these words.
My Final Comment: All in all I really like it, and I think it's really interesting. It catches the reader's attention to Egypt. You managed to mention some exotic interesting things, like his given name, and the secrets shared between the 2 friends. Which brings me to say that you managed to mention a lot of good things in different sides of life through your protagonist.
Thanks for sharing your writings! And I hope my review wasn't harsh nor annoying. If I make a review, it means I really like the piece at the first place .
Hi, please allow me to leave you a small review on your poem.
How you managed to write a simple, short, meaningful poem...surprised me. When I first saw it, I said, really? And then I read it, and I knew that I misjudge it at first.
But now I'm telling you it's a good one. Describes perfectly one simple word for a very complicated thing...LOVE.
I just finished reading"A Thought in Process" , and I'd like to offer you the following review. This is just my humble personal opinion and I hope it helps you a little if it can be useful for you and your following writings. You are totally free to use any of my comments and ignore the rest.
General Review: I like the whole idea, "A thought defining life" this attracted me to read.
Style of Writing: I think you should have made it seem like a poem, longer sentences in the line.
Favorite Points: "how are you today?"
"alive" I'll say
as I continue
I just finished reading"Ode to New Year's" , and I'd like to offer you the following review. This is just my humble personal opinion and I hope it helps you a little if it can be useful for you and your following writings. You are totally free to use any of my comments and ignore the rest.
Style of Writing: I like the word that each letter of it gets us somewhere!
Favorite Points:EPHEMERAL
My Final Comment: I like the idea of thinking of last and new year of this way.
I just finished reading"Amid Mind Over Matter" , and I'd like to offer you the following review. This is just my humble personal opinion and I hope it helps you a little if it can be useful for you and your following writings. You are totally free to use any of my comments and ignore the rest.
General Review: I like the general idea.
Style of Writing: I really like the words you chose, the quality of the writing.
Favorite Points: To the most lazy and faint-hearted optimism;
Brandishing a mediocre philosophy
Of mind over matter shall likely devour us,
Hello Simple Dykie, I just finished reading your story "The Chase" , and I'd like to offer you the following review. This is just my humble personal opinion and I hope it helps you a little if it can be useful for you and your following writings. You are totally free to use any of my comments and ignore the rest.
General Review: I really enjoyed reading this story. Going through every line, imagining the road that led you to "Chase" the one who changed your way of thinking and changed your life somehow.
Style of Writing: You managed to touch the reader's heart with the love that you and your family have for Chaser. I could feel it in every word, the way you described it, and how you quoted exactly what you're used to say to it.
Favorite Points: " As a matter of fact as I'm writing this story I can hear him chewing on what I hope is a piece of rawhide and not a chair leg, or my favorite pair of sneakers."
I liked this part. It touches reality. It can make the reader feel how close he/she is to the story, living it, even feeling the moment in which you're writing the story.
My Final Comment: I think many of the readers would enjoy other stories of Chaser. Specially how much we can learn from our simple beloved pet. Not only this, you also managed to show your reader how other creatures acted and also how if we focus can learn a lot of things by just "observing and enjoying what God created"
Thanks for sharing your writings!
Nancy - ~You've just been reviewed by a Paper Doll Gang Newbie~
Hello, I just finished reading your dialogue ""BEWARE: She's Unforgiving!" ":, and I'd like to offer you the following review. This is just my humble personal opinion and I hope it helps you a little if it can be useful for you and your following writings. You are totally free to use any of my comments and ignore the rest.
General Review: That was one enjoyable dialogue to read. I didn't get bored, kept reading carefully, wanting to read faster to know what that's all about.
Style of Writing: I liked how you presented the dialogue, dividing it so the reader can prepare him/herself to a different scene.
Negative Points: I do have one negative point, and that's only my point of view. I think that it would've been better if you used more the Writing ML, like change colors of the lines of the different characters of the dialogue so the reader feels more attracted and keep on track.
Favorite Points: I liked the whole drama. I liked how it ended. You managed to make it look like a surprise at the end, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who sees that.
Thanks for sharing your writings!
Nancy - ~You've just been reviewed by a Paper Doll Gang Newbie~
Hello , I just finished reading your poem "The Promise" , and I'd like to offer you the following review. This is just my humble personal opinion and I hope it helps you a little if it can be useful for you and your following writings. You are totally free to use any of my comments and ignore the rest.
General Review: I found it a very touching poem, words are honest and go straight to the heart. A topic that can touch a lot of person's hearts. I'm sure a lot of people can relate.
Style of Writing; I really liked the style of your writing, as you described different feelings, you showed perfectly the sadness mixed with hope and loneliness mixed with the patience caused by a promise made.
Favorite Points: I absolutely liked the sacred idea of "promise" that you showed in your poem. It reminded me of the old style of writing, honoring all the principles needed to be found in life, life "keeping a promise". And when a person promises something, the other one just waits no matter how long, because he knows that it's a promise to be kept not words in the air.
My final comment: "Bundled against the coming dark,
Wishing the night could be postponed.
He looked at me so beaten down,
But a smile I saw, and not a frown."
I really liked this part, it shows how a person can have multiple feelings at the same time, being beaten down doesn't mean having a frown, instead a smile.
Nancy - ~You've just been reviewed by a Paper Doll Gang Newbie~
You have no idea how i enjoyed reading your article!! I was first thinking about the 7 phases in which life was created and then i thought of an angel that God sent to observe. I had to go through a lot of thoughts till the end :)
Thanks for sharing!!
"They also all live to be about a hundred and twenty years old. I think they're all just too stubborn to move on." =D that was really funny. I really enjoyed reading this, i had a smile all the way reading it. Now i feel it can become a great mini-series, a comedy one, with the stories of the grumpy old man :)
It'll mean a lot of you read me
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nansie
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 8:21am on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
And I hope my review wasn't harsh nor annoying. If I make a review, it means I really like the piece at the first place 
.
