This is a beautifully written, very sobering short story, written from the heart and infused with great compassion. It is indeed powerful and compelling, bringing it reader face to face with true cost and attendant consequences of soldiers fighting in a lonely and savage conflict. Your piece is truly moving and deftly set forth.
My only suggestions are purely technical in nature, dealing primarily with changes in punctuation to reduce run-on sentence structure and/or redundance and improve flow, aligning tense, imagert, and in a few instances, spelling/grammer. Please bear in mind they are ONLY suggestions ~ minor technical changes that you may find render your piece even more powerful than it already is.
As to content, it is, in this case, superb. My only suggestion in this area is that you may wish to clarify you and your husband's role in the story. In the first four paragraphs, one gets the impression that you, yourselves, may be a military family associated with a nearby base. Paragraph 5 makes mention of warming up your bike, but we do not get and inkling you are part of a Motorcycle Group that performs escorts for KIA solders until Paragraph 5. To facilitate better reader understanding, consider starting your story with the first two sentences of your last Paragraph, "I've done many rides before and since, standing for hours holding a flag in freezing weather, rain and snow. But this was the hardest ride I've ever made..."
- then allow your ensuing Paragraphs to illustrate whyit was the hardest ride you've ever made, and in your last Paragraph, weave all of the story's Paragraphs together by emphasising ... "Yes, this was the hardest ride I've ever done. So why do I subject myself to something so physically and emotionally draining? Because....it's the right thing to do."
Strictly technical suggestions:
* Paragraph 1 - "morning, but..." (comma b/t 'morning' and 'but')
* Paragraph 2 - "...was when he said, "Michaela's crying!"
and }
"Why?" I asked.
and
"I don't know, she won't tell me." he replied.
(consider separating above 3 lines, making the last two their own, individual paragraphs to heighten interest)
and
*..."What do you mean, he died?" I asked, concerned. (comma b/t mean and he - also rather than "concerned", you might choose another descriptive word such as 'stunned' to better describe your emotional reaction to the news of the death)
*... "He was killed by a roadside bomb." she explained. (again, you might wish to substitute and adjective more vividly descriptive of the child's emotional state, such as "sobbed" or "explained, tears streaming down her cheeks"
* She picked up her back pack and dug around in it. She brought me the paper explaining... (since the child was already in your presence, consider smoothing the flow here by saying something like, 'She picked up her back pack and dug around in it, producing the paper explaining... '
* I knew a number of the kids had a parent either already deployed to Iraq or soon scheduled to deploy. My heart went out to those children, (knowing or realizing) the fear they must be feeling. (punctuation and wording changes may enhance flow here)
* Paragraph 3 ...I had known that Jesse's daddy, Sam was in Iraq, he was a Ranger, scheduled to come home in September.
* Paragraph 5 - ...I checked every day and finally on the third day there it finally was: Mission confirmed for Staff Sgt. Samuel P. Smith. Actually, it listed three missions for this young soldier.
The first was to meet the jet at the airfield and escort the body to the funeral home, the second was that we be present at the funeral home per the family's request for escort of the body to the army base for the funeral, the third was to attend a memorial service for Sam and the other two soldiers that were killed with him with the men and women stationed on base. I told my husband about the missions and he decided to take a day off work for the actual funeral, but was going to be unable make the other two. I would have to represent both of us for those.
* Paragraph 7 - ...The family was already there, as well as several soldiers from Fort Carson
* Paragraph 11 - ...As the procession moved through the streets of Colorado Springs, I was astounded by the number of cars that pulled to the side{c:green. Some occupants even stepped out and stood with their hands covering their hearts, an amazing show of support for this young family. (substituting a different word to avoid redundance in the use of "amazed and amazing" in these 2 sentences.)
* ... I was having a really hard time concentrating on driving, continually having to wipe the tears streaming down my face and fogging up my sunglasses.
* Paragraph 12 - ...dispersing
* Paragraph 13 - ... I turned to Jesse and asked how he wasRecognition dawned in his eyes, "Mom! This is Michaela's Mom!" . He ran to me as I knelt on the ground to accept his hug.
* Paragraph 14 - ...Again we were greeted along the way with by people stopping to lay their hands over thier their hearts, veterans that stood at attention and saluted, and saluting current members of the Army and Air Force thatwho were stationed nearby. It was a very moving moment in time.
* Paragraph 15 ...It tore me in twoapart to witness this scene. It's something I will never forget. (avoids two same-sounding words, two and to, adjascenet to on another in the same sentence - and the redundance of using the expression twice, as it was earlier used in the phrase "my heart broke in two")
* Paragraph 16 - ...As we stood outside the gates of Ft. Carson awaiting for/x} permission to enter, soldier after soldier pulled into the parking lot, they got out of their cars. They andThey{c} went around shaking all of our hands, most just wanted wanting to say thanks for what we do. Others wished to go furtherin to more into depth, both in expressing their appreciation and relating that a lot of the troops were suffering from low morale and when they saw seeing us here and reading about other riders all over the U.S. itprovided a much needed morale boost.
* Paragrah 18 - I got a call from the school one day just before the end of the school year; the principal wanted to see me about Michaela. I couldn't figure out what was going on;she never gets in trouble at school.
* Paragraph 19 - Then she tellstold me what happened. It appears that Jesse had been having some problems with 3three boys thatwho would corner him on the playground and tease him about being a crybaby and say things like 'I'm glad your Dad died'. Kids can be so cruel!
* Paragraph 20 - Start a new paragrah after "She was one pissed off little girl ( I think you may just have forgotten to linesspace between this and the the next line to form the new paragraph ) - also in your last sentence... "{c:green Had an adult should have done something about the 3three bullies before now, and then sheJesse wouldn't have had to take care of it for them.
* Paragrasph 21 - would'nt - wouldn't
Congratulations on a truly wonderful effort!
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Thank you!