Hi Jali,
The following is simply my opinion - please take or leave any comments as you see fit.
A fun read. Congratulations.
It rhymes well. Perhaps it could be worked on to get a little tighter but that is just an opinion and I'm probably being picky. I like the way that you have it as a continuous piece (rather than breaking it into stanzas) so the story keeps flowing.
Cheers,
Oh my
Hi there,
Brilliant story and really well written. Firstly the slight negatives though... Read it back through really carefully as there are quite a few typing errors. Things like capital letters in the middle of a sentence or missing comma's etc.
However this is really a very minor comment. The story is very engaging and you managed to make me empathise with Quinn. In fact I am left wanting to know more.
Keep writing and enjoy the adventure. You have a talent to treasure.
Well don!
Regards Oh My (Merinda)
Hi there,
This has been an engaging read. The style is honest and almost raw in parts. I liked the way your thoughts and opinions become more intense and then retreat again and again, almost like the waves on the shores that you love.
I could share you passion and feel your tragedy.
Thank you and well done.
Ohmy
Hi,
I really enjoyed reading this.
The layout is good and leads you through the story within. I particularly liked the way you restate the word quilt, coat then quilt as defining points.
I found this under 'random read' and it has been a treat - thank you
Thank you- great writing that spoke to me . I felt I was standing with you as you looked around each space. I felt kit was oolong enough, but not too long.
I appreciated how it was laid out also. It worked as a device to lead me through the reading and the emotions of the story.
Thank you. Well done
Powerfully put - your argument is well stated and as a general principle is something we should all hang on too.
As purely a matter of opinion I think love can overwhelm pain briefly but can't totally defeat it. The pain can still exist but the love can take away the despair pain drives us too.
You made me think which is really important in communication.
Thank you and well done
I enjoyed this. Simple and direct but powerful. Also positive.
It reads well when spoken which is good too.
I can see the event happening and it raised an emotional response.
Well done!!!
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