First Impression: An intriguing, and depressing, view of loneliness that captures my own heart and imagination.
Grammar: A couple minor errors, and some needed restructuring.
My existence has never had the keeper of my key to happiness. This sentence feels awkward. I had to read it over a couple times in an attempt to grasp what I think you were saying. Are you saying that you are not the responsible for your own happiness?
...negative and mean spirited person... It should be mean-spirited
...my inner being... Hyphen again. 'inner-being' would help clean that up a bit, in my opinion.
The chance to give it to someone who would not only accept it, but return it fully, is something that, up to this point, has been just a dream. The entirety of this sentence is too much and too many commas. It make the flow drag too much. Try removing extraneous commentary and/or break it into two smaller sentences.
...more time for me to share... I feel 'more time from me' would sound better.
I have nothing else to compare it to. The rest of this piece is a form of higher writing. I believe that it disrupts the flow to downgrade it by ending a sentence with a proposition.
There is one thing I have done many times to help relieve some of the miserable moments. Do you relieve the miserable moment, or the misery of those moments?
It is often thought by the male half of the human race, that public crying somehow diminishes their masculinity. Either remove the comma after human race, or break up the sentence more by adding one between 'thought' and 'by'.
...that to be false yet I still... Subordinate and dependent clauses need separation with a comma. Try 'false, yet, I still...'
...my will to pursue happiness... Since you've already stated you pursue other's happiness with joke, I feel that claiming the happiness in this sentence would be better. 'to pursue my own happiness', or a similar effect would make the sentence stronger.
...change myself into how someone thinks I should be. Try replacing 'how' with 'what', or 'the person'.
I am what I am, nothing more, nothing less. Grammatically, this feels wrong. But I can't explain why. Perhaps a semicolon between 'am' and 'nothing' would be better suited. 'I am what I am' is a strong statement that needs a harder break from the rest of the sentence.
...If only I were whole. This singular comment is visually strong. I would like to see its theme appearing more in the work itself. It is the title and the closing statement, and you need to somehow make the visual of your 'less-than-whole' self more throughout the piece.
Comments: Aside from the structure and grammar comments already made, I would further recommend that you define what 'is' whole to the reader. Every person has their own ideas of what would makes themself complete. The piece is very hard and logical, where the ideas expressed are very jagged and irregular. It makes for some imbalances and the reader feels somewhat detached from the emotions contained within it.
Overall: I, myself, enjoy reading this writing style. It has the potential to take one's breath away and I believe that with some minor tweaking, you will accomplish just that. As you have said this is an earlier piece, I look forward to seeing how you have grown over the years. Keep Writing please!
I loved this funny little tale (or should I say tail)! The timing was good, it flowed well. I didnt spot any grammar or spelling errors. (Which I have to admit, may not be all that great. Because when a story is good, I tend to overlook them.) But that in itself is good. I was too focused on the imagery and situation described to notice anything else.
Dislikes: only one. The picture of the robot that swallowed the cat is too small and makes it harder to get lost in the fantasy. Find a bigger picture, or a bigger subject. Without such an image, one who has never really seen those automatic vacuums can well wonder if its possible to get a cat sucked into one.
Overall: Great storytelling and superbly funny! Keep writing!
Im rating this piece, grammar aside, because of the beat beneath it. I love it now, and will adore it once the grammar is cleaned up. It has its own rhythm, its own pulse beating and pulling you along. Fantastic read. Keep up the good work! Keep Writing.
What I like: Interesting premise of a story with some moderately-developed characters.
What I didn't like: The characters still fell flat in the end. Flow was choppy, repetitive and unsatisfying. Climax was too even-toned. Both characters have the same voice, despite their different likes/dislikes. Writing is child-like, even for the adult.
Suggestions: Round out the characters. Take more time to explain their thoughts. Do not mix son's thoughts in with Dad's story. (If dad didnt understand him, how would he know his thoughts?) Sharpen the climax. Develop more distinct voices.
Overall: Would really love to see this story again with some revision to the writing because I like the style of point-of-view vs point-of-view. Keep Writing.
I love the imagery of thoughts. Would love even more to see a fuller story. Im dying to know what happened over the whole of the PMS experience and not just that sinking moment.
Thats my only complaint. Its too short. Please write more ASAP. You have a great sense of funny.
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First Impression: An intriguing, and depressing, view of loneliness that captures my own heart and imagination. 
My existence has never had the keeper of my key to happiness.