Excellent piece. Short but fresh and full of content.
It has all I like in poetry. It shows an image that could possibly come to everybody but it does it in a suprisingly new way. That's high class.
It doesn't use too many words. Just as many as it's absolutely needed for a sharp and clean image.
It makes the reader blink and smile.
Special applaud for the ending phrase.
Well, where I have this "add to favourites" button?
As for the first impression I'm not sure where this piece of writing tries to fall into. I do not see as modern but I do not see it as traditional.
The general theme, some of imaginery and vocabulary almost shouts for a traditional form.
I do not see it and I assume the author didn't meant it as a depiction of any modern conflict. Therefore I assume it is a kind of event that should and could be qualified into fantasy genre.
I know it's lyrics not poetry but it would do no harm to a song either to make it more polished. As for me it would be difficult to sing the first two stanzas. (Tried it, but then I'm not native English)
Too long verses, too long words. As I prefer complicated wording in poetry, a song is something different.
I like the chorus part and the two last stanzas (before the final chorus)
But if it was meant to invoke a spirit of resistance in the listeners it is bit too weak. I would love to see it has some flair, some more agressive determination this theme requires.
I would love to see there teeth and claws and rage, and fury. Anything less would not be enough to break any kind of opression.
I wanted to write something critical at the beginnig to have at least a bit balanced review.
But I can't. It's just too brilliant. The story is so alive. Everything in it is on the right place - the language used, expressions, even the names of the characters. It fits into its genre beutifully and truly love the author's sense of humor. I instantly liked the main character and in the first minute saw, not only knew, what happened. And I knew that it was not his fault. The story managed to hook me up in it, to make me feel something for the characters from the very first minute. And the is a rare gift.
Apart from it being throughly well written, funny in the right places. Use of words is ok. Not too much and not too little. It also has one feature that is excellent. It ends in the right place. The narrative flows smoothly to stop peacefully at the ending image where it leaves reader content but with a wish to know more what happened later.
More of this author please!!!
At first I really liked it. Main character is so well described. Ending is brilliant and that's a truly hard thing to do not to mess up with the ending.
I love the introduction into the Will's world. I think that his explanation why he prefers to be called William instead of Will is extraordinary and it does add a powerful spark of life to the character itself. I really like that story so I would give it five stars with true joy.
If not for the vampire...
She's just not it. She does not have anything beleviable in her. Not a one thing. She so stereotypical I wonder why she is in the story so well written and yet stays as a one dimensional cardboard Miss Vampire.
There is not one thing about her that convinces me. She looks like a vampire with her gothic look and seducing attitude. However she ahs nothing of the mysterious and powerful creatures that vampires where thought so long to be. There are many good examples in the literature, canonical and non-canonical for the horror genre, that speak tomes of why the vampires where feared and admired. And Miss Desiree is no hunter, no powerfyl enemy.
When the narrative switches to Wiliam the story starts to flow. It gains fleash.. and blood. It gains some life and believability.
I don't know why this part with a heading III is in this story at all.
But truly excellent are parts four and five. There could be no miss vampire. I would rid of her myself. The main character does whole the story. The gem of it being last paragraph. Theory about why he is feeling hungry. Brilliant.
It is in the nature of human being to make a big thing out of nothing. Excellent article. I love the remarks on that being fashionably different means being fashionably the same as it is so true. You can see many of them fashion addicts and they all look the same. They may not wear the same things but there's similar air around all of them.
It is sad that people pay such an attention to thing so meaningless as looking good.
I'm happy someone at last wrote about it.
Good luck with your authorities.
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