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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ronnilove
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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of My Secret  Open in new Window.
Review by Ronni Love Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I love this poem because of its simplicity, but also intricacy at the same time. You say so much using with few words, and to me that demonstrates that you are a skilled writer who masters the art of creating captivating poems at an exceptional level of ability. I love the way you play with the spacing of words between the different lines, for example when you write, "The truth is/Simple," because it adds necessary emphasis on the word "simple" that could have been lost if you included it in the same line as "The truth is."

There are only a few suggestions I would make to improve this poem. First, the second line, "They confuse and are lost in thought," is confusing and could be reworded for clarity. I understand that you are talking about words, but I think you could clarify who they confuse, etc. The next suggestion is merely just that --a suggestion-- because it is not necessary but could improve the flow of the poem. In the line, "And play the game with letters," I think it would flow better if you changed "the game" to "games" so the line read "And play games with letters." I think there are multiple games one can play with letters and words, so I personally think that "games" might be a better word choice. Lastly, it took me a while to figure out that the line, "To tell the truth," was referring to the game you play with letters. I thought that you were missing a stanza at first because the line seemed a little out of place in the overall scheme of your poem. I think it would be better to tack it on at the end of third stanza as a fifth line, just it is clear that it is referring to the game you play with letters.

Overall, I thought your poem was beautiful and very personal. I think whoever this was meant for would have loved to hear it because it is meaningful and carefully crafted. I especially love the end of your poem, because though the stanza consists of only two lines, they are the most powerful lines of the entire poem. Wonderful job!


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Review by Ronni Love Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I loved this poem! As a fellow writer, I understand that the power of words is immense, and I love all of the different uses for words you incorporated into your poem. I also like how you began each stanza with "words," as the repetition keeps readers intrigued and focused on the subject of the poem. My favorite two lines are "Words, exquisite when found, amazing to sound," and "Words we contrive to bring writing alive." I think both of those lines are carefully crafted to sound inviting to the reader and they flow smoothly from one word to the next.

The one suggestion I would make, however, is to consider keeping the meter the same for all lines of the poem. I think this would help the poem run smoother, because when each line contains a different number of beats it can feel as if some lines are dragging on while others are cut off short.

Overall, great poem, and a wonderful start to internal rhyming!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
3
3
Review by Ronni Love Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
The thesis "Does Birth Order Really Matter?" provides the reader with fascinating and thought-provoking information regarding the birth order of children and how it affects their personalities. The author gives a lot of details for each birth order, such as characteristics unique to each birth order and how different birth orders interact with one another. The thorough research is what carried the thesis from beginning to end, because the information brought a new light on the topic of birth order.

Though I though the topic was interesting, there were quite a few grammatical errors throughout the thesis. Some sentences, such as "The order children are born within a family influences who they grow up to become," were unclear and should be reworded to improve clarity. There was also an issue with including too many lists, because readers get lost in all of the information the author tries to cram into one sentence. Lastly, I wouldn't start the thesis with a quote, particularly one that begins with an ellipsis, because it seems like the thesis is missing something and jumping right into the middle of the argument. I would suggest reworking the first paragraph, and maybe starting out with the second-half of the paragraph following the quote.

Overall, I think this was a great start to a wonderful thesis, it just needs some tweaking!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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