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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ruthie07
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3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Ruthie4u Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hi, Just read your story and it caught my interest. However, a couple of points I must point out.
a) Although the story is one that has proved to be interesting, I think you need to elaborate on each section. As of now, just as you garner interest in the scene, it seems to be abruptly and quickly cut off and the story moves to a different scene and a repeat issue happens again. What this does is it cuts of the readers interest in the story and what is happening. You need to hold the interest of the reader, that is the most crucial.

b) There are too many cuts and change of scenes. Either reduce the number of scene changes or elaborate on them a bit more to make it more meaningful and thus holding the person's interest in the story.

At the moment it just gives the feeling that you seem to be in a hurry yourself to reach the ending.

Examples being elaborating a bit more on the scene with the mother and the daughter, bringing out the empathy of the mother to Grace's feeling and situation.

or elaborating a bit more on the scene with the Grandfather coming into the picture of having to train Grace.

or the conversation between both parents while watching TV. There was a statement about Victoria, their other daughter that was just thrown in there and lost.

c) There is a much needed grammar and punctuation check needed. Perhaps run it through a grammar check app to clear up the kinks and smoothen it out?

I liked the idea of the story and the turmoil between father and daughter and the mother trying to be the go between. It is a great topic to garner the interest of someone reading and I like to somewhat funny and humorous ending of having the car up a tree trying to save a cat.

I think if you make some tweaks and amendments to your writings, it will work well.

Just my thoughts. Hope this helps!
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Review by Ruthie4u Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, you're story is interesting and well written.
Just a couple of things to note.

I feel the progression from one scene to the next needs to be a bit better, it just seems continuous from the existing one. They should be a proper understanding that we are looking at another scene.

The other point I wanted to make was her feelings and interest are quick to change from one person to the next. There needs to be some mild attraction initially may be. She is the wife, not the girl friend to so easily have thoughts of another man who she has just only seen at a debate!

All in all, it's an interesting read, good Grammer and flow other wise.

Keep it up!!
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