\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sadr
Review Requests: OFF
3 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Sadr Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I like the way you describe the final moments of the dwarves very well. There was one incidend however that puzzled me a little:
"‘Let them be scared for I have found the secret.’ The dwarf thought happily, his hand touching the elf’s cheek. The scrape of metal against metal followed by a dull cutting sound and a soft thump came through the mists."
- Did the dward manage to free himself from the spell in his final moment, and put up a last parry with his sword, or is the scraping sound produced by something else, like the touch of his helmet? I'd like to see a small elaboration on this part.

Also, you seem to be an all-knowing author here, sometimes describing the thoughts of the characters. This is more of a personal opinion, but I'd love to see some more descriptions of feelings, especially during the heat of battle.

There was one sentence in perticular that I really enjoyed: "No sign of injury marred his body."
- This is a great example of using daily-life words in a different context, here being given a moer descriptive meaning. Very nice.

In itself it is well written, but (again) personally, I'm rather tired of all the dwarves and elfs around. I'd be thrilled to see some new races. It's a very enjoyable piece of fantasy though, good job!
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sadr