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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/salembluegrass
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5 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by SalemBlueGrass Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Fantastic story. I was riveted through to the very end. Really made me think about the old guy and old guys that I know.

2
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Review by SalemBlueGrass Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really loved this story. Well written and very entertaining. A single exception that may need correction:

And then we headed to the circus. My hair is shorter and darker than it used to be, so we managed to slip in without fanfare. But we hadn’t been in the big top for more than five minutes when my family converged. Imagine, thirty-odd (and most of them are very odd) people—from Grandma who tells fortunes in the sideshow to several the kids, most of whom I’d never met before. Mother was in the front.
---------------------- ^------- should there be "of" here?

Again, this was really a good read. Kept me in the story until the last word.
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Review of Winter Fun  Open in new Window.
Review by SalemBlueGrass Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Great story. Had fun reading it even though I never lived in snow country. I think the dialog was just a bit unrealistic in a few places such as "You're on, and in your dreams will you beat me," Sounds strange to my ear. I think people talk more like "You're on, and in your dreams!" I, as the reader, can easily infer that Dan is talking about his wife beating him in the sled race. Overall, very enjoyable short read. Great job!
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Review of Ironic Despair  Open in new Window.
Review by SalemBlueGrass Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This was a great read for me! Was totally captivated as I read. The ending has left me wanting more. Where did he go? Where was he going? Is he going to finally reach his destination? What about his injured hand and the dog? Lots of questions that need answers in the story.

Hope to see a continuation of this in the future.
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Review of Home  Open in new Window.
Review by SalemBlueGrass Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
"I saw a several white hair in your head," Not sure if this is a type...confusing on first read.
"And I just found my way back home for certain" The words 'for certain' don't make sense to me in the context of the prose. Makes me wonder if/what doubt was felt. Maybe you could expand the doubt aspect in a line or two of the poem.

I'm not a poet and honestly, I don't read poetry except for song lyrics. I found this poem a little confusing at first but after a few re-reads, I think I get the point you are trying to make: you left a person long ago and now you're back with that person and it feels like home.



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