Poor fella. This was a very good read, long but good. The thread was there, the transitions were well connected. This held my attention and fed my curiosity. I felt connected with this guys plight (having had this type of luck). I almost new what was coming next but it didn't, that had me laughing with anticipation. Then the end came and fell on the floor as I recalled "Tom Hanks" in the infamous movie "The Money Pit." Again this was really good to me. Hats off to the writer.
If I were you I'd continue and develop this "letter" into a book. A tale maybe? Although it seems to be a true story of sorts. Nonetheless go for it!!! This is a case of good content that needs to be stretched to a greater degree. Keep going with this one as it is bound for something great!!
This was very good. Smooth and even flow. Well connected up and unto the 3rd stanza at which I was totally lost with the riders. They cam in unexplained and vanish without a trace leaving me to wonder why they were there in the first place? The content was very good and has much more potential than one could expect. Nice job. :)
Captivating! Had me on the edge of my seat. Very charming with lots of potential and could spurn in several directions. Minor typo's in the beginning but the flow was so natural I just fell into the story as if I were right there! Hats off and big thumbs up to this writer.
While I really like this poem as I found it easy to read and user-friendly. I must say I did not find the instinctive repetition of "God please, come back here, do not disappear, was a bit "over done for my taste buds (but then I am only one voice in a million). The content was rich and the emotions were strong and heart-felt. In all very good.
Well played out! Easy to read and enjoyable in all respects. The flow and pace was smooth and the thread visible. This moved me to the edge of my seat as it drew me continue reading as I thought I new the out come but got a surprise! Smooth introduction of characters and places. The writer kept order in the chaos of moving through background and fleshed out the scenes nicely. Thumbs up and hats off on this one. Yaay.
Okay so we see the craftiness of the writer and his/her ability to work from scratch with the ease of elbow grease(Writer,com) the writer went right to work "creating" as it were. And create they did do! Very clever indeed. May the rest of us "newbie's" learn from a creative mind! Thanks a million.
I think that this story may have potential assume the writer wanted to "flesh it out" a bit more? The connection for the sentence's to inter-act with each other could be established by replacing "I" and maybe using detail or "hype" where needed.(one of my biggest problems I hear). I do think the content is "workable" in the long run by taking a step back and becoming the main character. Be encourage!
Very smooth and even flow. Thread connected each cord. The feelings were soft and full of respect. The movement and pace were well cast. Understanding the writers disposition was easy as was the authors plight. The last stanza seem to wrap up the entire poem. "It's your everything that's you," Fantastic! Even romantic! (I can't believe I said that!!) Sandirev
Wow!! Nicely written and flowed with grace. Thank you for a reminder in such a fast pace world. :) Do be encouraged to continue as we see you "reluctantly."
Whatever the case I totally enjoyed this one. I was able to connect. I felt her emotions and pain as I was transformed into her roll. At the end...a tear! Nice! What a future for this writer. Keep it coming. :)
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