This was a very heart-warming story. It brought tears to my eyes. I did kind of figure out what was going to happen, but I saw a news story with something similar. I really like your descriptions, I had a clear picture of everything, and it felt very natural.
I caught a tiny typo, but that's the only suggestion I have: "Let's make (a) wish"
Hahaha! You really had me going for that first paragraph, and I know what you do for a living so you did a good job with the surprise. I think you could expand this to make a good short story. You could just have the introduction and have the entomologist be kind of a jerk, but this is fun too. From an insects perspective, I'm sure guys do seem pretty demented.
Okay, my little guy is starting preschool tomorrow and now you have me crying. . Alright I'm okay now.
I love the message you are sending with this. Life gets so crazy that we forget to enjoy our kids sometimes, and I know we're all guilty of it. I'm supposed to review this, but I can't really see anything to improve on. I like how you ended with the words relish and remember.
I think I'm going to go turn off cartoons so me and Bubba can play Hi-ho Cherry-o now.
I thought this was really cute. I liked the description of the store and the comparison of the grandmother to Cinderella's fairy godmother. I really got a good feel for your characters based on their dialogue and actions.
I was wondering if maybe there was a way for you to have Andrea somehow notice the man before she asks what he's doing? Maybe you could say a movement outside caught her eye or something like that. Otherwise the transition seems a little abrupt. Kind of like how my sister talks, you know what I mean
Well done on a fun little story.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/saylergirl
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 11:28am on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
. Alright I'm okay now.