Hey, sorry this took so long. So this is a beautiful Christmas story which achieves what I believe it is meant to, which is give me the 'feels.' I can totally relate to the older sister more than the main character maybe because I'm an older sister myself and I have had those moments when I had to explain things to my siblings.
Some names wouldn't have hurt, maybe to just add a little character. It's really short so I suppose there wasn't much need for dialogue, but I always enjoy stories a little more with a few spoken words but that's just me.
All in all, I like it and most importantly it did give me the feels.
There are a few errors that I noticed, for example:
Why was (were) Mommy and Daddy not there to watch me open my big gift?
Hi, I like dark poetry. I feel like every single piece, regardless of its size and its audience should be written with every single ounce of your soul. Regardless of how it turns out, I feel you owe it to yourself as a writer to give every single line your all.
That being said, if I could change anything it would probably be the structure. Like the spacing after the word Darkness.
Darkness
Absolute and closing in.
It’s terrifying and unforgiving.
I am not an expert but I will tell you how I related to something and how it made me feel. Which I believe is more important than grammar or any other technicalities.
That is sweetest thing. Okay first of all when it comes to poems i, like my Northern husband Jon Snow, know nothing. I do know, however, how something good is supposed to make you feel. I was drown to this by the title first of all,I love the ocean, never been to the ocean but I love reading about it.
This was beautiful, gave me all the right feels. I felt your loss, and its simple just the way I like my poems.
Okay if I had to fault it I suppose I'd say it gets a bit cliche at times, which happens quiet often with poems but I think there are ways around that.
Like I said, I don't know much, I just love this.
Also feel free to check out a poem that I wrote about the ocean called Words are Wind, would appreciate some feedback. :)
That is so beautiful. I am not a fan of most things romantic but this is so subtle and well written.
Never thought paint could be romantic. Like most good things, I wish it were longer.
Okay so I always try very hard to put honesty first in my reviews, so here goes. Its a good story, and somewhere around the middle it gets better and right before the end, you don't want it to end. I love the two main characters and their friendship is very beautiful. I would just like to say that you should be careful about your wording and I picked up a few errors that I pointed out below.
Those are only for the first half of the story so there may be others on the lower half but thats when I started enjoying it and errors disappear and dont really matter then.
Sean had always like(d) his coach.
Swap disappointed and anxious.
Sean didn't bothered to distinguish (bother)
Would he wants his help? (want)
Silence fill the room. (filled)
Love criminal minds. (but thats not really relevant)
Considering the fact that I usually skip stories like these and I actually enjoyed this one, great job!
Okay so I love this, it was very funny I couldn't stop laughing. My favourite part is: "I replied---with a fumbly mouthful of partial truths having as their central thread the ideas of 'respect' and 'not presuming' and a few other things---talking mechanically as I tried to get my head properly in gear', this I feel its an accurate depiction of how most men would respond to uncomfortable questions. Women handle it better.
All in all, great read.
Great story! I kind of guessed what would happen when David said "When I die, the only thing I will take with me is what I am buried with." It makes me wonder if the old man did it because he really hated his family, or he just really loved his money.
"A short story is like a kiss in the dark from a stranger." Stephen King, this was exactly that.
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