If I may suggest, it may be helpful to read through the piece again because I've noticed a few mistakes such as these below:
"one of the leg of the creature..." = one of the legs of the creature
"to fruitless" = too fruitless
"as Danny lay their..." = as Danny lay there
I've only included some, but I suggest that you also ask others to read through your piece so they could show you the good and not-so-good points.
Please don't feel bad. I understand how, as writers, we sometimes fail to see these minor errors. That is all right. This happens even to the best of us. So, I really hope you won't feel bad.
Nevertheless, your piece is such a good read. You've presented a good emotional impact and have beautifully described the experience, the surroundings. You've also managed to paint a good picture of the character in the reader's mind.
I love this piece. Although short, this work has a tone of completeness. The words just flow beautifully, and you had shown this inner desire of finding, of belonging, of seeking acceptance... and, I guess, of being one with another.
So poignant and artistically crafted with beautiful imagery and lasting emotional essence. I could actually feel the pain and loneliness as I read the lines.
Beautiful!
SittieCates
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