I like the repetition in the piece with each stanza opening the same and then the explanation in the next. The piece is somewhat obscure in what exactly the girl is. I thought because she is made up in your head, and the contradictions you make her. The poem reminds me a lot of the Cake song "Short Skirt/Long Jacket". You might want to extend the piece to give the reader a little more knowledge of this girl in the narrator's head.
I really like this piece. There are a lot of layers to it. I like how time is almost lost in this piece, as it constantly sways between the past and present, generations, and dreams mixed with life. The last stanza is really moving, as you have left your children to make their own circles and in so have created more circles for you. The teacher should have given you a star that day, because you colored the circle white. Thanks for the good read.
I like how the darkness consumes sight, and the two lovers guide each other by their sighs (word choice?). The shadow of darkness of love/lust works well in the poem. If dawn is coming, more light will be shown. The line stuck in my mind, as dawn only grows. I like the idea of dawn, but perhaps show the urgency of darkness as the two lovers explore each other.
I really like this piece. The fate is for daily chores, yet sword and steel are strong and real. I would have wished the Calathias to use his techniques better than just be outdated and of the old age. There are different advantages to different fighting styles, and I thought that he used his too bluntly. I know it is a short piece, which might need the haste. The tie between wife and husband was nicely done. Just make her self one word in the last sentence. I would like to see this piece explored more. Thank you for the good read.
There is always Central Park. Joking around. I really like this piece. The atmosphere of a city is one that is unique, but the actual culture of the city is described well. Every waiter/waitress is an aspiring actor awaiting to make it big and the wealthy must show their wealth in the Darwin games. It happens everywhere, except where human nature can't influence (in terms of status). Although, morals and humanitarian efforts might be just as fickle, as human nature seeks the approval of others, and so as king of the jungles we must take the chosen poison to sleep at night. Cool piece. Very thought provoking.
I really liked this piece. It captures the essence of how vulnerable we are until in mother's arms. I never seen this form of poem before, and you used the form very well. It's interesting to look at the world from a different perspective, and a baby's perspective is definitely something that I would never imagine. Nice work.
Excellent Piece. I really like how the writer holds on to hope and tries everything possible to save the swimmer, but you can only do so much for someone who doesn't want to be helped. It is interesting, because it can be interpreted as many different things in life, such as relationships, drug users, etc... The love for the person comes through well in the poem, as the writer tried multiple times to jump in the water to try to save the loved one, only to be pushed away. I understand the ending, but the word choice at then end fits, but to go down with the swimmer is a choice. I am not sure why it is distracting me so much. I like the ring to it, but I feel a decision was made to swim away.
Beautiful piece. It really captures the essence of conscience and what it makes it us fret over. The reality of how we associate everything with ourselves for a reference, rather than truly listening. In this time, we are so encompassed with our own world, that we forget the human experience shares a universal appeal. My only suggestion would be to make the piece longer, as I would love to see where you could explore with this work.
You did a great job with this poem. I liked the use of dialogue being incorporated into the poem with each stanza. The essence of the elderly was captured very well, as I have seen elderly people come to grips with death, and how hard is it those close to truly understand. I might cut the last stanza, as I like her image of smiling to reverberate in the ending. The image of photos and ashes and the phrase RIP are so final and definitive. There is so much reflection on the past, that to bring the piece in the present for just a stanza took me out of the poem. Very beautiful piece. I am sorry for your loss. I am sure she is smiling down on yourself and your family.
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