I have to admit, usually I'm no great fan of military poetry. As a member of the military myself, I usually find it formulaic and exaggerated. But this piece is GREAT!!! I love the simple style you use; it allows your words to speak volumes. Many people underestimate or do not understand the discrimination and hatred many Vietnam Veterans faced.
For the most part, this is a FANTASTIC piece. I'd love to see more, but what you have hear is just wonderful. I say that from the perspective of someone with a 4-year degree in History and as an Active Duty member of the United States Air Force. This is a sweeping, compelling, emotional, and comprehensive view of the struggles young Americans faced during WWII. One suggestion, if you're looking to expand the stories, would be to actually tell the story of a woman who receives a knock on her door with sad news.
I just have two tiny little corrections:
"I hope to goodness not, especially not with that cannon, for God's sake. Any other questions?" - This statement, coming from a Captain in front of a group of enlisted men, is somewhat unlikely, particularly just before a potential battle. A Captain's goal is that his men act without, or at least in spite of, fear. This statement would display the Captain's fear to his men, and as Captains are promoted or disciplined based on their personnel's performance, it is unlikely that a Captain would be foolish enough to let one slip.
Three paragraphs after that sentence, it looks like you wanted a paragraph break but didn't press enter.
Write on! =)
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