This is my personal opinion. I found this piece to be difficult to read because of the grammar. I get the point of the writing. The author appears to be knowledgeable about how to set up a website, however, it appears to me from the numerous grammatical errors, this was written in a language other than English, then translated into English by a computer. I would suggest the author get someone who is fluent in not only speaking English, but also in writing it, to review and edit the piece, and then re-publish it. If it was originally written in English I would still suggest getting someone to edit and re-write. I believe this writing could be helpful to people interested in developing a website, but a re-write would make it more appealing in my opinion.
I am an author, and maybe not the best critic, but when reading your poem "Reflection" I found it difficult to read. I am not certain if you did this purposefully, but there are only a couple of commas and no other punctuation. It is usually best if you edit your piece by reading it aloud. As you read aloud you will almost automatically put in the short and long pauses where commas, semicolons and periods should be placed. Without commas, periods and question marks, I will never be able to read the poem the way you meant it to be read. I will not be able to "hear" the poem as you heard it when writing it.
However, let me say that you are the author, and you can write your poems any way you want. These opinions are just my personal thoughts on your writing.
I have read several short stories (on a different writer's website) this past week written by folks who have never attended a grammar class and who don't have spell check on their word processors. I had about given up on good writing, and I'm not certain what drew me to read The Sound. Whatever it was, it was a good thing.
Your story is interesting and flows very well. It was a pleasure to read this well-written, humorous short story about a day in the life of Fred Ryan. I laughed out loud several times. I have nothing to criticize in form or substance. Congratulations, and I hope you continue to write.
I don't know what to say about this. It's like I was asleep with the tv on, then woke up for 20 seconds of dialogue and went back to sleep.
I don't know what you're trying to say here, but I will say this... I've read it about a dozen times over the past few minutes and I do find it intriguing. I just don't know how to assimilate this literary morsel.
I only gave you a 4 because my head is unable to function correctly at this point.
Obviously fiction :)
This is certainly a "different" style for you. I think you did a good job of showing how the old superstitions really don't hold up to true life. Even though this man certainly seems to have a lot more than luck going for him, it's still a lesson for us to not worry about silly superstitions because, well, just because!
My latest string of bad luck is about to end because tonight I'm going to turn seven times in a clockwise circle before going to bed!! So there!!
A cute story. The story had good descriptions and the story line flowed effortlessly. I don't have any corrections that would be significant. It is a well written piece, good job.
I rated this as a 3.0 story mainly because I had difficulty reading through it. Remember, the following are MY opinions and not the opinions of professional reviewers. I am an author, too, and just making suggestions as I see them.
I would suggest you do a more thorough job of editing what you wrote because there are several misspelled words and some sentences with key words left out. For example, (the carpet) led to the restaurant as if Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding was all over again. Are you meaning as if the wedding was performed all over again?
Why is there "uneven concrete"? What is that telling the reader?
You refer to the beggar as an old stray, then later refer to his hands as "paws". One sentence says he "licked his paws." I was beginning to believe the beggar was not a man but was some kind of animal. This caused confusion on my part. Maybe it's just me.
When you tell of the waiter throwing out the meat you state: "unaware that the famished stray rummages through it." However, at the end of the story it is assumed the beggar has been there for three years, wouldn't the wait staff have known by now that he was there?
You state that a "low threatening grow did the job". Did you mean "growl"?
You also switch from past to present tense a couple of times which causes some confusion.
My suggestion would be that if you would edit carefully, read it aloud to see how it sounds to you, and rewrite a couple of sentences, that this would be a good story. You have the idea, just need to do some polishing.
A good description of the story. It immediately made me start thinking how a 20th reunion might have played out had it been me and my friends.
Character development is very good. Their descriptions were done well enough that it was as though I knew them, too. The describing wasn't too wordy where it took away from the story. Well done.
Anyone who was ever raised near farmland anywhere, not just in Nebraska, could certainly identify with this setting. Even though it is area specific, it is a broad enough sweep to be generic. I liked that you used actual names of the town and the farm, real or not, they certainly seem real and kept me interested in the movement of the story.
How disappointing it must have been (you say this is a true story) to have no one show up at the designated time and spot. It seems you have surpressed your disappointment by not ever mentioning this to your friends. But, what makes this special to me is... I probably would have done the same thing.
Well done.
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