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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stfrancisii
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32 Public Reviews Given
32 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'll be honest with what I like and do not like about your work.
I'm good at...
Copyediting and critiquing prose.
Favorite Genres
Short stories, essays, articles, your English homework
Least Favorite Genres
Fanfiction, romance, erotica, historical fiction
Favorite Item Types
Static Items, Books
Least Favorite Item Types
Interactives
I will not review...
Fetish content, but anything that's not that is free game for me to review.
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Butterflies Die  Open in new Window.
Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
In general I like the rhythm and meter in your poem, and your use of a boy killing a butterfly as a metaphor for the loss of innocence. One thing that I would change is the line “You can see how a butterfly dies” in the second stanza; it does not flow well with “Looking through this child's eyes”, and I would replace it with “You see the dying butterfly” or something like that.

Overall, great poem.
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Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your perspective of the seven deadly sins differs much from how most people(myself included) would define them when asked, but rings true nonetheless. This piece made me realise that the seven deadly sins are better defined by their consequences(the reason they are sins) than by their dictionary definitions. The colors you used for the sins' names are very fitting.
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Review of all I see  Open in new Window.
Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Even though I've never knit successfully in my life(and my attempts at doing so always turn out disastrously), I somehow visualised very clearly the skein shrinking and the scarf growing, as you describe in your second stanza. Your use of knitting as an example of the importance of negative space is surprising, considering that most people see it as an art reliant on what is there. But, as you detailed, negative space is valuable to every medium of art.
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Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Even though I am not a Christian, I found the imagery you describe in your prose to be easy to visualise despite being neither flowery nor verbose. Admittedly, the Lord's speech to the reader nearly brought tears to my eyes — in difficult times I feel as if there's no-one to help me, which makes the presence of someone at that time all the more touching. Great writing.
5
5
Review of Death Upon My Lap  Open in new Window.
Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I lost my grandmother three years ago, and I deeply relate to the message expressed in your poem; often I feel as if I am living in her shadow, and wonder if she would approve of what I am up to nowadays. Your meter is off(try reading it aloud), but because I found your poem touching I am giving it five stars.
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Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this piece. You are excellent at comparing different types of trees via metaphor and personification, and relating the nature of trees to the nature of humans. I believe that plants and animals(including humans) are more similar than they are different — we all live, we all die, and we all have one purpose — to survive to pass on our genes. I prefer this work to be in prose form as it is. Amazing work.
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Review of Thank You  Open in new Window.
Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is such a heartwarming piece that I have reservations with giving criticism. The only advice I'd give is on the lines "Never before this love I've felt / Just you makes me melt"; I would change "Just you makes me melt" to "Just your presence makes me melt" or "Just your essence makes me melt", because it flows better that way. Great poem, though!
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Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ooooooh, I like this formatting — the first time I've ever seen someone on here use big letters! Anyway. You expertly make the reader visualise the dark, dreamlike, and ominous imagery by beginning the poem using descriptive words. It flows well. No negative feedback.
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Review of WOUNDS  Open in new Window.
Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the overall rhythm of the poem, but it is awkward in some parts, such as in the line "Dealing with the emotions, discarding the anxiety based fear". I personally would replace "the anxiety based fear" with "anxious fear". But in general it flows well and is consistent. I also like the message.
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Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
You execute the rhyme scheme and meter well, and you state your message in the last stanza cleverly. Your mentions of steamship captains and train conductors in the second stanza, and how they are still important though we usually don't think much of them, adds to the general message that individuals make up the whole.
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Review of Flounder  Open in new Window.
Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
The rhythm is slightly off, but that's wholly excusable considering the fact you were working with only 24 syllables. Your rhyming is clever, and you evoke with so few words the image of a woman falling deeper and deeper into water, and seeing the Reaper as she drowns.
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Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem is both well-written and of a stance I agree with. Valentine's Day is heavily commercialised and more about materialism and buying things than about love itself. You also made the point that love should be expressed for as long as it exists, and not only on one day. Style-wise, your poem reads and rhymes excellently.
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Review of A Story Told  Open in new Window.
Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A very well-written poem that I admittedly found darkly comedic, but that is just my perspective and my sense of humor. I like how you devote every stanza to a certain facet(for lack of a better term) of the story; you pace the poem well. I have no negative feedback.
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Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This article is very informative and, even though I am past childhood, taught me facts about lightthouses that I did not before know. Your writing is to-the-point and presents the facts very clearly, yet even at fifteen I found this article entertaining to read.
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Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love this one — short, sweet, and to the point. There is nothing negative that I can find in this poem aside from that the second and third lines may flow better without the commas ending them, and that "The verb, love," may be revised as "The verb love,". That is just my opinion, however, and this poem is otherwise beautiful.
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Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great poem, Tim. One of the first messages I inferred from the poem is that the government(and others) are more concerned about war and their militaries than about their people. The only criticism I have(and this is very nitpicky) is that in the 16th line, "nonsense", in my opinion, makes more sense and flows better than "a nonsense". I really liked this poem in general.
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Review of Things Were Good  Open in new Window.
Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very touching poem that encapsulates the regret that results from brash decision. The theme of acting out in frustration but feeling even worse due to the consequences is one that I can resonate with, as that has happened to me several times in my life. My only criticism is nitpicky: I find the rhyming of "selfish" with "shellfish" and "them" with itself quite awkward.
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Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very informative article that expresses the facts in a concise yet compelling style.
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19
Review by Percyval Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Great work on this poem. Amusing and humourous yet catchy. There are only a few issues I can pick out. "Insects" rhymed with "protects" sounds quite awkward, though I have very little experience with poetry. The lines "A beekeeper’s job, to collect the honey,
Wear that garb and make the money" are the best in your poem; they're witty and rhyme very well.
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