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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stowe_evermore
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9 Public Reviews Given
9 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Nymph Rhapsody  Open in new Window.
Review by Stowe_Evermore Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello,

I liked your poem is draws a very good picture of any forest in the world. The last part about near extinction is probably not necessary for your work. The previous lines already imply this and the last line reinforces it, otherwise, the poem is good with a nice dramatic flair.
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Review by Stowe_Evermore Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Great beginning, good creepy feel. There are some spacing issues after punctuation and a spell check would be a good idea before publishing. I would also read the story out loud to see if the flow feels right and confirm that all of the text makes sense. There are a couple of places where the words a placed in the wrong order or unnecessary words are used.

For example,

Original:

She rose from her chair,and headed all the way up to the driver's area,only to release,the driver was not alive,he was dead

A better version might be:

She rose from her chair and headed to the driver's area, only to find the driver dead.

Or

She rose from her chair and headed to the driver's area. Where she released the driver's corpse from its prison.

There are also spots where the sentence seems to fall off without being finished, where a word or two were missed.

An example is:

Natasha backed away,nearly screaming.Her eyes wide,her heart beating.

This a good idea with an interesting twist.
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Review of the ghost  Open in new Window.
Review by Stowe_Evermore Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
The premise is good. I liked how there seems to be two people involved in the torment, the creature and the ghost. This could be expanded in a really good direction. However I would suggest trying not to over use certain words such as 'I' (personal pet peeve). The overuse can turn off some readers broaden the descriptions into more general terms as below:

"I woke with a start, 'What was that noise? Is it coming from the basement.' The sound echoed again from somewhere below me. I glance around the dark room to confirm that I was alone. No monsters here."

The spacing should also be looked at, it does cause a little bit of confusion for the reader. This is especially true when more than one person is speaking.

This story has good bones keep working on it.


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