That was very touching and I felt for you, not having grown up with my father either. It was beautifully written, but I encourage you to leave the door open for him to meet with you. Who knows, maybe you two can resolve the past and become close. I think it would lift some pain from your heart. If it fails, at least you'll have tried. But hope for the best. So, I am just giving my opinion that the very last line: "I can't seem to want to make fit" could drive him off and make him feel defeated. Perhaps consider changing that part, to let him know you are willing.
Good luck!
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