I quite like this. I get a very "Dr. Watson" feel from the narration with a dash of aristocratic pomposity. I would be interested in seeing how his life gets shaken up in Liverpool and Venezuela. I would have to say that the opening sentence, "It just seemed like a normal day," seems unnecessary; if the chapter began with the next sentence, "Outside my window..." it would work much better. Additionally, when he checks his watch, he refers to it as the "umpteenth time." That seems a rather casual adjective for a man of this station and mindset to use, and it took me out of the setting. I think another word would work much better.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 10:42pm on Nov 16, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "