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Review by TimeBandit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Great analogy and well written. I tend to look at other’s writing with the same eye that I would look at my own. “What can be done to improve on the piece? What can be done to give the piece more emotional impact?” To me, and this is only my opinion, this piece has great potential for many things. Here as a few suggestions:

I would give the scenery more emotional impact that relates to the emotions of the individual traveling the path. We all know that life has it’s ups and downs and with the story you have just hinted at the obstacles that befallen us. Elaborate on the troubles of climbing a steep path, stumbling over a root, and the fear of the unknown and unseen that lurks in the woods. In the times of great joy and happiness, picture the beauty that surrounds the path and in that description, use words that metaphor life.

When the traveling companion is lost, I see a couple of ways that might beef up the emotions and the message delivered. You could show the path as it has always been, beautiful and pleasing to the eye yet with watchful steps or at that moment, the path loses its luster. Flowers seem to wilt and birds no long sing their nightingale serenades. The hanging of ones head doesn’t hold the emotional impact of a lose of a love one as what I stated above to me.

This could really be such a beautiful piece with more descriptions of the world around them and how they react to that would.

Well done and very enjoyable to read.

BTW the Title should be “A New She, A New He”
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