Valued Member of Society's (vbryan) Reviews

Valued Member of Society

Review Requests: OFF

16 Public Reviews Given

17 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3615358

Review of A Psychiatric File

Review by Valued Member o...

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

This has fantastic potential! Your twist at the end is great.

You do need work on sentence structure and punctuation. The run-on sentences take away from the actual story. Clear and concise sentences will have greater impact. Not only will it make it easier to read, but it will create more drama.

Great start! Keep up the good work.

VMoS.

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3615353

Review of The Midnight Interview

Review by Valued Member o...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

What a fantastic little story. I'm always a fan of a creepy little girl.

The initial detail of the room and what he felt/observed was vivid and read beautifully. The story line was great; although, sometimes I felt that more could have been told story-wise and that the back and forth banter between Adam and Emma was a little much.

Overall, great work! I really enjoyed it.

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3421869

Review of Roommates

Review by Valued Member o...

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

What a great little twist! I had no idea that her new roommate would be a little feline.

I do think you need to work on fluidity a bit. The conversation with her mother can seem a bit choppy at times. Other than that, great work!

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3414961

Review of The old man and the teen

Review by Valued Member o...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

A delightful story. What a great contrast of new and old. I loved how you depicted the old man - the pain he went through while constructing his creation made him so endearing.

I do think there are a few tweaks you could make as far as sentence structure. The first sentence might work better if it was broken up into two shorter sentences.

"The youth's flamboyant movements and outrageous posturing allowed the people many opportunities to laugh and more than a few for awkward silence."
- The last bit of that sentence doesn't seem to flow with the rest of it. I get that he's over the top and that the people are enjoying that, but the fact that there were awkward silences clashes with the first part. You know why they were laughing - the flamboyant movements. However, you don't know why there were awkward silences.

I really enjoyed this piece. It's a great example of how people can get caught up in the new and flashy, but that it's not always the best choice.

Keep on writing!

- VMoS

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3414894

Review of Round and Flat Characters

Review by Valued Member o...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

These are so helpful! Thank you for posting this.

These are great tips for those who are just starting out and may be having problems in what direction they should go. Also, they are fantastic reminders to those who might be stuck in a rut.

Thanks again,
VMoS

6

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3414602

Review of Let Yourself Shine

Review by Valued Member o...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I truly enjoyed this. This was well written as well as inspiring.

I think so many times people try too hard to be poetic. I like that this poem does not try - it simply is. The beauty is the simplicity it is asking, as well as the simplicity it takes in stating that.

Bravo.

- VMoS