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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/werner11
Review Requests: ON
2 Public Reviews Given
2 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would tell you how to make the idea more interesting, or more deep. I would tell you which parts felt stretched or very quickly paced or boring or anything of which and suggest how to make it better.
Favorite Genres
Anything deep that feels philosophical, or has a hidden meaning within it's lines.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything superficial in terms of a story. Poems in general
I will not review...
Poems, because I don't do poems so i don't think i can help you in that matter, anything else is completely fine!
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Al-issa Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Firstly, I'd suggest changing that title, it feels too specific.
I feel like some lines were over explained and stretched, for example, i felt the whole paragraph of Mara's brother calling to the period. I felt it was stretched. I would have liked seeing the protagonist reaction to certain things; how did they react at first, what happened in the funeral, how did they live for the few days after Mara's death.
I think it would have also been better if you explained their relationship more, because as a reader I didn't quite feel how intense their relationship was.

This piece has the potential to get better, so try (if you want) to rewrite it and use my suggestions to get better.

Note: I'm an amateur my self, so I would appreciate it very much if you review my story sample(the misery of Henry Foreman) so we both can get better, thank you anyways!
2
2
Review of Midnight Letters  Open in new Window.
Review by Al-issa Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I liked how you first described the venue, your writing made it easy for me to imagine how it looked like in the short number of words you used, and the same thing applies to how you explained the jester's clothes, i liked that.
I loved the first line of the jester because it gave me a clear idea of how his personality was, and so did the few lines of prince.
I don't know if the problem is from me, but personally i didn't understand the last line of the story.
I think if you're able to make that last line idea clearer to what you have in mind it would be much better.
Maybe this is just your sample of a much bigger story, this would explain why that last line didn't make sense to me.
Generally, i liked this story.

Note: if you have time i would appreciate if you try and review my story (the misery of henry) and give me tips so that you can help me get better, thank you anyways!
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