 First Impressions:
Hey, great entry, Emery! I'm so glad you participated in this round of the contest. I thought this was a great story to tell, but I felt like you cut the tale off before the best part! I want to hear all the juicy details of the battle. This was a great intro, however I would love to see this continued  . Also, I felt that there were a number of grammatical errors in this -- I'll point out a few of them, but if you do decide to revise, I would just go through and do a thorough and careful edit as an exercise to help you out in the future.
Fantasy at its Finest:
 You did an excellent job incorporating the fantasy aspect of the contest into your story. I liked the way your readers are able to see Melyah discover her own strength and abilities in regards to magic, though she is learning right along with your readers. She seems very naive and innocent about the world of magic, and I think if you choose to continue this further, this would be a great angle to play on as she develops these abilities and matures into a strong Princess.
Instantly Melyah felt a pain like she never had before, it burned through her body searing everything as it went. It seemed to break all of her bones, tare away every inch of skin, yank her organs about inside her body, crack her head and leave her skull pounding her heart beat. Everything inside of her burned. I thought you did a great job with the description of her attacker's effect on her. It brings your readers directly into the moment of the story, as well as allows them to imagine to the best of their abilities what Melyah is going through. There were a couple of places throughout this piece that I felt had very good visual imagery and showcased your strong writing ability.
Suggestions:
My first and foremost suggestion I have is to go through and do a thorough edit of the grammatical errors scattered throughout your piece. Most of these can probably be caught with a good word processor (like Microsoft Word or Pages), but I will point out a few of them.
Truely and truelly- Should be spelled as "truly"
The forest was truelly beautiful in the spring, fresh ferns and flowers, new little birds to come and sing. Quite a few of your sentences are not quite structured correctly. This is one example of that. "The forest was truly beautiful in the spring," can be one sentence on its own. This "Fresh ferns and flowers, new little birds to come and sing" doesn't really make sense in the sentence or outside of it. Consider rewording this to be a sentence that can stand alone. Look for sentences similar structured throughout.
...Melyah thought to herself, and though she didn't know it yet, she was about to wish she had fifty. This isn't the strongest way to go into the following section. It is also a run-on sentence. Try something like this to remedy the grammatical problem: ". . . Melyah thought to herself. Though she didn't know it yet, she was about to wish she had fifty."
Insistant - Should be spelled "insistent."
"Charles," Melyah said politly "I think that i shall continue on my own." she then waited for the response she assumed was a no. However to her surprise, there was no response. "Charles? did you hear me?" I'm going to take this chunk of writing and dissect it a little bit. There are a number of grammatical issues within this. First, "'Charles,' Melyah said politely, "I think that I shall continue on my own.'" Note the spelling of politely, the comma after it, and the capitalization of the word, "I." Next, "She then waited for the response which she assumed was a no. To her surprise, there was no response. 'Charles? Did you hear me?'" Here, note the capitalization of the words "she" and "did," the addition of the word "which," and the elimination of the word "However."
Just give your story a thorough edit with grammar in mind. I hope these suggestions help you start out a bit and that you don't find it too overwhelming. In my opinion, good grammar is something that can really sell your story -- so give it a little bit of thought if you decide to revise. . . And let me know if you have any questions about anything I said here or anything else in the future . I'm a bit picky when it comes to that stuff, but -- not everyone feels the same way about it.
Your third paragraph that is broken off from the others (starting, "Allow me to explain a little. . . "), should probably be omitted from your story, in my opinion, or at least rephrased. In the way you have it now, it draws your readers out of the moment and out of the fantasy land you've already brought them into. Try to play with the idea of "Show, don't tell" here. Find ways to allow the story to reveal this information if at all possible, instead of having you, as the author, interrupt the narrator to say this. If the information you give in this paragraph is dire to your plot, then consider finding another way to introduce it, without having to break away from the story.
My personal preference would be to give this story more breaks in paragraphs. Some of them to seem to run-on a bit -- but that isn't to say that you should omit any of the sentences. If you create more spacing and paragraphs here, I think it would make your story more readable.
Keep writing! This is my last suggestion for you. You leave your readers hanging with the threat of looming battle. I'd like to hear what happens next .
Prompt Perception and Interpretation:
You definitely have the first steps of a battle here -- but I feel like you're only setting up for the real thing. I think you might be more successful in future rounds of the contest if your readers get to see the most heavily dynamic part of the action, not just the set up to it .
Final thoughts
This was a great entry, Emery. I really enjoyed reading this. Sorry if my review seems to be a little heavily weighted on grammatical criticism  . I can't wait to see what else you come up with. It's been a pleasure getting to know you here on WDC and I can't wait to see where you go with your writing! I feel as though you have a strong potential to be an amazing fantasy writer, as long as you continue to write and continue to learn from the constructive criticism of your writing peers
Keep up the good work! Hope to see you again next month! 
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TENSE! Ok. You start your story in the present tense (i.e. puts, stares, dances, etc...), yet by the end you have completely switched over to past tense (i.e. replied, lifted, watched, etc...). This is personal preference and nothing more, but I would suggest switching completely to past tense. I know that you tend to write a lot in present tense. I just have a tendency to be biased towards past tense writing 
I loved the personification of the Law that we find in your main character. It was a really cool idea that you had -- and you wrote it wonderfully. It seemed very original to me (but perhaps you drew inspiration from another source? I don't know... If not, major kudos to you 
). 
. Your writing was great as usual. The tense and voice in which you wrote the story was fine, and the entire piece was grammatically sound (which I definitely appreciate!). Thank you for making an effort to produce a clean piece of writing - it allows your readers to focus on the content of the story without being caught up on the gritty details of the writing itself.
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