WordsRmyLife's (wordsrmylife1) Reviews

WordsRmyLife

Review Requests: OFF

23 Public Reviews Given

23 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4680585

Review of Sample Writing

Review by WordsRmyLife

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

I didn't want to rate this, because my rating would be low. The reason, the whole beginning is very boring and monotonous. Personally, I would start the story here:

I looked around the room, feeling the tension building inside me. The other's(others) seemed oblivious to the growing danger, or they just didn’t care. I watched as the middle-aged man stared intensely at the young girl. She seemed to be about 16 or 17 and was giving the man her best sexy eyes. I wanted to scream at everyone “THIS IS THE MAN THAT WAS JUST RELEASED FROM PRISON. HE WAS IN JAIL FOR COMMITTING A STRING OF GRISLY MURDERS!!! WHY IS NO ONE STOPPING HIM!!” but the words wouldn’t come out. His daughter, who was my student, had invited him, and seemed to be the only other person who was concerned about the scene unfolding in front of us. The girl coyly moved over to him and sat on his lap. In(At) that moment, an overwhelming amount of fear gripped me. An aura more evil(eviler) than I had ever experienced filled the room, with darkness engulfing the walls. A sadistic smile spread across the man’s face as he grabbed the girl.

All at once, chaos exploded in the room. Everyone burst from the room, running and screaming at the top of their lungs. I knew there was nothing I could do, except get out of that room. I made it into the parking lot before I started sobbing, fear wracking my body and immobilizing me. I heard the girl screaming and my mind filled with the images(Just "images") of what he was doing to her. Yet, the only thing I could focus on was one small thought: You are his target and that will be you next.

I bolted awake from the nightmare, still feeling the deep-seated fear that had visited me in my dream. “So much for the blissful nights sleep,” I muttered. Looking around my apartment, it suddenly felt cold and lonely. This was the one thing that I hated about living alone. I hadn’t had a nightmare in awhile(a while), and this one had been especially intense. The feelings of insecurity, dread (comma) and fear in my dream had followed me into my conscious state. My apartment that (which)usually felt cozy and endearing, now made me feel vulnerable and unprotected. I turned on a few lights, and double checked (double-checked) that the doors were locked. I snuggled my cat for a brief moment, climbed back into my bed (comma) and closed my eyes. The fear came back instantly, and my mind began replaying the nightmare. I tried unsuccessfully to redirect my mind, to focus on something pleasant, to drown out the nightmarish scene in my head. After a few minutes, I gave up and opened my eyes. The t.v. flashed on and I started flipping through Netflix. If I couldn’t get rid of the nightmare, then I would drown it out by watching every sappy chick flick I could find. After a few movies, I finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

Now you can start with her not wanting to get up (since her sleep was disturbed). The reader will understand immediately why she is dragging. Then I would get off the subject of how tired she is, because that just makes the reader tired, then bored. You want to keep the momentum moving and the reader engaged.

Please don't take offense to my critique of your writing. This is just my one-person opinion. I believe you have a passion for writing. I can see you greatly improve the more you write. Thank you for letting me view your creative writing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4680582

Review of David's Obsession

Review by WordsRmyLife

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Very well done. Kept me interested from start to finish. This would make a great mini-novel. I like how the story progresses. The only thing I do not like is the character development. I do not know what any of the characters look like. You do not describe them in any way. (Height, facial structure, body type, hair style and color, clothes, eye color, etc...) I couldn't picture the characters as they spoke or performed tasks. A mini-novel would allow you a chance to describe the location, and characters to a greater extent. A reader can better connect with and invest in characters they can visualize and emotionally identify with.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4509522

Review of word search.

Review by WordsRmyLife

Rated: E

| (4.0)

It was fun. thanks

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4506942

Review of To All Reviewers

Review by WordsRmyLife

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi... I tried to find your novel, but I don't know which one it is. Could you sent me a link or the number code? I'd like to look at it. I really enjoyed the weaver story, which left me with many more questions and an urge to see what happens. That would be a good one to expand. Thank you.

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4504899

Review of The Fourth Child

Review by WordsRmyLife

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Brief Explanation of my rating system:

5 stars-- Perfect or as near perfect as any published book I've read. Publishable as is. I would recommend to a friend.

4 Stars-- Above Average. High quality with a few tweaks and corrections needed. I would recommend to a friend.

3 Stars-- Average. Neither good nor bad. Something anyone could write. Normal errors and problems. Left me with an "eh" shoulder shake. Not particularly motivated to read more.

2 Stars-- Below Average. I had to struggle to finish readying it. Needs many corrections and edits. Would NOT recommend to a friend.

1 Star-- Sub par. Way too many errors and issues to even finish reading. Would not recommend.

___________________________________________________________________________
My Review...

My First Thoughts:
Very creative idea. I like the premise that the human was actually a tick on the back of the sentient being. I guess a better analogy would be a mosquito, seeing as she stuck a drill in and was extracting the crystals. Puts forth a strong message of mankind's smallness in the scheme of things. I hate to admit this because at my age, I really should have known this, but I thought satellites were only man made mechanical things. Learn something new every day. Took me a minute and a dictionary to realize this.

What I liked:
This was an easy read. Flowed nicely from paragraph to paragraph. The plot idea surprised me. I take it the being is like a snail or turtle where it's shell is the rocky surface? Mamma being an actual planet was a nice touch as well.

Suggestions:
When you bring in the little girl you trip up on POV a little. Get rid of “the woman” reference. You started in Dana’s POV and she would not refer to herself as the woman. Keep to her name or proper pronouns.

Correction needed: She knows everything about me. Dana thought with eyes widen in shock still. The tense of the second sentence is off. State Dana thought with eyes wide in shock. Or Dana's eyes widened with the thought, still in shock.

Panicked, Dana moon hoped back towards her rig, opened the hatch and climbed inside. "hoped" should be "hopped" and I would hyphenate moon-hopped, since it is used as a singular descriptive term.

Final Thoughts:
This brings many questions to mind... What year is this? How can one person handle the drilling, gathering, packaging and transporting of the chrystals mined? There should be others around, space truckers to transport product back to the places that use it. Laborers that extract and package the product for transport. There would need to be a storage facility somewhere. Whose her boss? If mamma is a huge gas planet nearby, why would she tolerate humans hurting her babies? Why did the being allow Dana to mine her and her siblings all these times and picked this time to confront Dana? Where's Dad? How far from Earth is she? Is mother able to move around? Imagine a huge planet traveling around space. Talk about throwing off other planets as she passed by. (Gravitational pull and all) I'd like to get a chance to see Dana. There is not much description of her physical appearance. This could make a good novella. Elongating this into a novella would give you plenty of time to develop Dana's character, better set the time frame and back story. Thank you for the enjoyable read.

6

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14 days may be credited.

#4504754

Review of Yffi's Discovery

Review by WordsRmyLife

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Brief Explanation of my rating system:

5 stars-- Perfect or as near perfect as any published book I've read. Publishable as is. I would recommend to a friend.

4 Stars-- Above Average. High quality with a few tweaks and corrections needed. I would recommend to a friend.

3 Stars-- Average. Neither good nor bad. Something anyone could write. Normal errors and problems. Left me with an "eh" shoulder shake. Not particularly motivated to read more.

2 Stars-- Below Average. I had to struggle to finish readying it. Needs many corrections and edits. Would NOT recommend to a friend.

1 Star-- Sub par. Way too many errors and issues to even finish reading. Would not recommend.

___________________________________________________________________________
My Review...

My First Thoughts:
At first, I didn't understand the purpose of this. Short story? Beginning to future book? This type of story is not in my usually preference, however I found myself intrigued by the character. You painted the character's enthusiasm so well, I became enthused as well. Your flow is wonderful and easily transports me from one thought to the next.

What I liked:
I love your flow and well-chosen, concise wording. Your obvious mastery of the English language is impressive. Believe me when I say, not everything I review shows the same level of knowledge and mastery. You have a special talent for grabbing a reader's attention and slowly bringing them along with the character through to the end. I can't define it. It's like when Simon tells AGT contestents they sing so well they could sing the phone book and it would sound wonderful? Your writing is like that.

Suggestions:
I noticed a few things missing to make this a complete piece. First, You do not describe what Yffi looks like. The only physical hints are when you hint to an injured or crippled body (when he's dancing). I do not know his age, hair color, whether he's going grey, whether he has a beard, is thin or chubby, etc... Second, you do not state the time period (year, day, time of day, etc...). Third, if this is a prologue or chapter to a larger work (book), it would be helpful to direct the reader that more is to come. I couldn't tell whether this stands on its own or that there is more.

Final Thoughts:
I liked this. I didn't start out thinking I would. The subject matter didn't seem like anything I would be interested in. That alone is testament to your writing skill. Thank you for the enjoyable read.

7

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4504618

Review of Keepers of Fantasia: Memories Blossom

Review by WordsRmyLife

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Brief Explanation of my rating system:

5 stars-- Perfect or as near perfect as any published book I've read. Publishable as is. I would recommend to a friend.

4 Stars-- Above Average. High quality with a few tweaks and corrections needed. I would recommend to a friend.

3 Stars-- Average. Neither good nor bad. Something anyone could write. Normal errors and problems. Left me with an "eh" shoulder shake. Not particularly motivated to read more.

2 Stars-- Below Average. I had to struggle to finish readying it. Needs many corrections and edits. Would NOT recommend to a friend.

1 Star-- Sub par. Way too many errors and issues to even finish reading. Would not recommend.

___________________________________________________________________________

My Review...

Character Development:
Sky's personality is touched on. His impatience, his dislike of his "curse". What I miss is knowing what he looks like. You can describe his physical appearance as he compares himself to others. As he sizes up the threats compared to his physical capability, whether the waitress is attracted to him or not, etc... There is much about Sky the reader does not know.

Story Line/Plot:
Sky is searching for the cure to his "curse" and to find out about how he was cursed in the first place. A little flashback or back story would be good. There are many many questions. Some questions are good to motivate a reader to keep reading, however too many make the reader feel like they are floating out in the void with nothing to focus on or latch onto.

You did catch me from the beginning. I wanted to find out where this was going. I found myself disappointed. You not only need to capture the reader's attention, you need to hold it. In order to hold my attention you need to accomplish three things: One-- Make me care about the characters, invest me in their plight or life. Two--Vary the pacing and action to direct my emotional involvement and keep me interested. Variety of pacing staves off reader boredom. Three-- give clues and direction that leads the character to the next scene or chapter. You end this chapter with Sky (and invariably the reader) learning nothing, accomplishing nothing. There must be something to spurn the next move and propel the reader to the next chapter.

Grammar & Punctuation:
...a faction whose bane almost matched Sky’s, the only he could find in the universe. Should read...the only one he could find in the universe. There are a few issues with punctuation, but not much.

Scene & Ambiance Development:
Brief description of the bar/restaurant is good. Remember to use all five senses when picturing the scene for your reader. You state it is evening, however you also say he has spent all day following the man. The fact that he used his curse six times in the evening would suggest it is very late or he's been popping his curse like a strobe light. I do not get a good view of the geography or people occupying the scene. Is this a city of mix-matched species, races, or predominately one or two species? What is the planet's name? You name the city, but not the planet. Is Sky human or humanoid? Is he from Earth? Does Earth exist in this story's universe? How did Sky get to the planet? Is it hot, cold, wet, weather? See what I mean? So many questions.

Your pacing is quick and doesn't allow you to fully develop the scene. I would suggest separating this into two chapters. Sky following the Forgotten through the area, which will allow you better descriptions of Sky and the planet. It will also let you develop a sense of time passing. Then I would make the restaurant scene the second chapter. You can expand on the characteristics of the man he's tracking which clued Sky into recognizing the guy as a Forgotten. Sky's character can better shine as you give more glimpses of him and his personality evaluating and interacting with person's in the restaurant.

Why is the firedancer there? Is he a thief? An Assassin? This should be answered so the reader is not distracted or confused.

Dialogue:
There isn't much dialogue here. What is said seems appropriate.

Overall Thoughts and Suggestions:

I like the plot as it is suggested. I think I can like Sky. There was enough in the beginning to catch my attention and keep me reading to answer the questions that popped into my head. I was disappointed that almost all of my questions were unanswered and I had no reason to continue reading, if there was a chapter two. I did like the last line of the bell ring. Good touch. The weakness of story-line and pacing throw me off. If you strengthen those I feel it would easily score 4 stars.

Hope this helps.

8

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3759690

Review of In Silent Service

Review by WordsRmyLife

Rated: E

| (3.5)

I thought your plot is sound. Your technical knowledge shows and adds authenticity to the piece. There are quite a few punctuation errors. A formal review is located in the Sci-Fi Guild. I also emailed you a notification. Thank you for the enjoyable read.

9

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3751034

Review of an unrehearsed universe

for entry "Forgetting"

Review by WordsRmyLife

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

I'm not a poet, nor do I read it much. I love your grasp of the English language. Your play on words is delightful. Your writing easily flows, provokes thought, then leaves one wanting more. My favorite line is "words left our heads without being spoken". Very well done, but this is a novice's opinion. Hope you check out my latest book. I'm off to read something else.

10

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3750979

Review of Black Box

Review by WordsRmyLife

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

I prefer not to rate an unfinished or draft piece of work, so don't be offended if it seems low, they force me to rate if I want to write a review. I am always honest in my reviews and do not sugarcoat or blow fluff. So here is my opinion:

Your writing style flows nicely, easy transitions from one thought to the next, one paragraph to the next. I rated it better than average because I think you have talent, however the piece is a bit rough. It is very short, but leaves me wanting to know what is going on and who the mystery woman is. I'm not a big fan of first person narrative, I think it limits the writer. I would like to see the work site, time of day and characters better. More description there would be helpful. No names to identify the speakers is also a put-off, especially at the beginning of a written work. You caught my attention, but had a hard time keeping my interest in what was going on, because I couldn't get close to the characters. When you have more written, email me and I would be happy to do a formal critique. Hope my suggestions help. If you have some free-time, please stop into my portfolio and check out my newest novel. Thank you.