Hey RaineLance, this poem is interesting. i like the word choices and the occasional ryhmes. Am i right i thinking theres no actual structural rhythm to it or is that just the way i read it? I do wonder though.. what is the mystery behind this poem? my interpretation was someone wishing someone would fall in love with them, which they did but in the end just got hurt by it? im only sayin that cause something similair happened to me a few years ago.. anyway, id love to know the real meaning? but anyway great poem, be proud!
Aw, i liked this, its short, and straight to the point, but also captures lots of emotion.
I liked the last line, its cute, and it's like you know you have to get over it, but you'll always remember that special person, cause noone ever really forgets a true love :')
I also liked the fact it rhymed, cause thats not easy to do, so well done, i enjoyed it :)
Wow, this really touched me.
This is an amazing poem, theres so much detail, but it still manages to be a poem, not a story.
I especially like the structure as it doesnt have a really strict pattern, llike when the sentences continue on over the lines, and it keeps the poem flowing. It kind of reflected the war to me as its the flowing on of bullets and deaths and it is uncontollable, like the structure of this poem.
Well done, its an enjoyable read!
Wow, i could really relate to this story!
I spent 4 years being 'inlove' with some guy four years older than me, and now i am old enough to actually talk to him i've realised he's actually a really big loser and he wants me. LOL!
anyway, yeahh this story was pretty good, especially as i was able to relate to it.
I like how you had the different setting looking over the memories, but it was all still in the Smoothie shop. It played in my head as smoothly as a movie and i didnt have any trouble imagining the screen.
However, i think it would be good if you did more to describe Paul, like being utterly gorgeous or something, then the reader can imagine the characters more easily and understand why Chelsea has this crush in the first place.
Remember, dont take anything i say personally, and when i put a bad point, its not because its a bad piece of work its because i deliberately look for a bad point so you can have something to work on!
Please feel free to review any of my work :D
This poem made me laugh and it certainly is a bit of fun.
I like the way the words rhyme with Sidget, its quite clever and i like the last line, showing she always ends u with badluck no matter what!
The flow was good, but there were a few lines when the rythm didn't quite fit, and you should maybe have a look at? Of course, this may have just been the way i read it
for example :
Millicent Sidget hurt her small digit
When it got stuck in a hole in her school desk.
There seems far too many syllables, you need to get rid of school or something?
Sorry if i sound picky, im just trying to be helpful, and of course you can completely ignore what i say if you wish :D
Thankyou, it was an enjoyable poem :)
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