As a former sailor (U.S. Navy), I can relate to some of the language common among seafarers. Parts of your story remind me of some of the pranks carried out on board ships, and sometimes not on ships.
I'm confused. I like the article. I think people in the United States would do well to learn more about the history of conflict in the region. Americans are too easily aligned with Israel, I think largely for biblical reasons, apparently ignorant of the fact that "Israel" as referenced in the Christian Bible is not the same as the current nation. So any education is better than none.
That said, I find this confusing because it has the look of something lifted from a news organization's website. Items like this:
"KEEP READING
list of 4 items
list 1 of 4
Israel’s military says it has killed Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah
list 2 of 4
Israel claims killing of Nasrallah in Beirut, no comment yet from Hezbollah
list 3 of 4"
"Advertisement," reference to charts and "INTERACTIVE." And there's one that says "Sign up for Al Jazeera."
I'm not questioning the article's authenticity, but the presentation. I'm not sure if this is all one item or a compilation of multiple items. It would be an easier and more coherent read without the extraneous material.
Even so, I appreciate it. These things need to be said. Especially for the U.S. population who blindly follow political and religious leaders who insist that we bond with the nation of Israel no matter what.
This is awesome. Loved the up close and personal view and how Olek identified with his enemy. Not to change the subject, but this is the kind of story inspired by an old song by one of my favorite rock groups, Electric Light Orchestra. It's title is Kuiama. Narrated by a soldier from a long-ago war. His troops had attacked a town and he killed the parents of a little girl. Apparently, over time, he and the girl became friends. Perhaps even lovers. And he regretted the cost of war.
Beautiful job.
Thank you for sharing.
This is excellent. A good, positive way to inspire teachers and help them motivate students. I would suggest reformatting that last paragraph so that it looks like the others; justified rather than centered. Also would change the verb "runs" to "run" and "1900s" rather than "1900's". Other than that, this is a wonderful inspiration.
When I was a child, I thought a monster was some creature that could have any of a million forms, whose sole purpose was to terrorize children and kill adults. But in reality, a monster is anyone who hurts others for sport.
The main thing I see here is the need for punctuation. A few commas and periods will help. It might work better if you introduce Anne in the second paragraph before she speaks. Otherwise, I think Baba is talking. Could use a little prose, too. What is the narrator thinking? Feeling? Perhaps a sentence or two describing what the narrator knows about the school and what it's so dreadful. Maybe even a little description about Baba and Anne, too.
Good luck.
Nice. Definitely engaging. I do have a few suggestions.
The last sentence of the first paragraph has some weird syntax. It looks like you have a couple words that don't belong, possibly where other words should be.
Work on grammar and punctuation throughout.
Then where the mom's story gets intense, you have "raping" paper where I'm sure you meant "rapping." A little proofreading would have fixed that.
Despite the mechanical problems, I like this. Keep it up.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 12:48am on Nov 06, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
