This was very well written. I can actually see this person's morning ritual, feel her contempt for herself and the other person. I can also feel the pain from both of them. This was a very honest and emotional piece.
Very powerful story. The only thing I was unsure about was whether or not Danny was High School or college age (geometry homework). I did get the impression, though, that he was pretty young.
I loved the way you dropped in the backstory without going into a huge narrative. It's very evident that because he is somewhat immature, Amy broke up with him and started dating Michael.
Nicely done. It was polished very well. Although I was a bit confused by the sentence " He didn’t know what the material covering the couches was called, but it was slick and plastic-like at first, but he could stick to it once he sat there for a while." I didn't understand how something is "plastic-like at first". What does it change to feeling like after a while? Or is it one of those old cracked vinyl couches? That was the only thing I wasn't clear on.
I found this article to be very helpful. I keep hearing about this concept, but until now, hadn't been given practical exercises that would help me to actually learn.
Thanks for a great article. Now I can move forward and be the storyteller instead of just a mere writer.
I loved how I couldn't quite figure out what the problem was until almost the end. I kept thinking that there was something wrong with Chris. But to find out that it was a race issue with her!
Your writing kept me engrossed and was clear. The ending was like a bomb going off when she realized that he had left her.
Great job!
Y.I. Washington
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