The attributes of the pen certainly shine through in this piece. through the pen I get clues to the pens user, a woman I guess with long hair, artistic and creative because of the paintbrushes and cabinetry. The user seems to never sit still, always moving their hands, a nervousness or habit perhaps.
I like the flow of words except the last line seemed to not fit in with the rest of the story. i think the story might be better with the line left out but that is only an opinion
You have a lovely way with words.
An interesting little read about a teen girl searching her feelings to why she feels so low.
Your sentances seem to be more of short statements than flowing with the story line but you have still managed to portray the feelings of this girl. She seems to have a problem with her body image. She comments on the fatness of her body but then says she isn't obese. She probably has a normal teen body that she needs to learn to like and maybe talk to someone if she keeps having thoughts of self harm.
Keep writting as you are able to put good emotion into your story.
Your story moves the reader quicklky forward wanting to find out what next experience these aliens are going to have. I loved the idea of these aliens acting like teens, and finding our world weird and unusual.
Your descriptions are well done showing the reader that normal earth experiences are foreign to these students.
You have portrayed alot in your 55 words. The scared child to the scary tooth fairy. People have a conception on how things or people should be but that is not always the facts.
I like the stammered line, showing uncertainity and fear countered by the strong anger of the tooth fairy.
it is a fun short read.
What an emotion filled journey this woman is on. I can feel the grief she is experiencing at the anticipated loss of her child. You convey this grief well with your words.
Just a couple of writing notes. In the 4th paragraph you have her collapsing into a love seat in a Dr's waiting room but in paragraph 5 she is sitting up on the ultrasound table. The two scenes need defining slightly.
I thought the person entering her room was going to be her husband but surprised to find it was the emotion grief personified. An odd twist.
You are couragous writing on a topic so close to your heart and I hope your writing offers comfort to others going through a tragic loss.
This poem for me started off a smoothly, nice words, calm quiet and then the last verse with its unexpected twist caught me unaware. I liked your poem for its twist.
The dialogue flowed well with nice rhyming rythym.
The poems words, especially the last verse had me thnking further how the water although hiding the sin wouldn't remove the fact. But your character believes it does and that is conveyed well.
It brought to mind the scene in Macbeth where lady McBeth is washing her hands but exclaiming that no water will wash away the fact she has killed someone.
Great poem, an enjoyable read.
Your story had me hooked from the start. I connected with your character as she fled away from an unwanted marriage. The orb revealed bit by bit through the story and seen to be an important part surrounding the mystery of this girl.
In the first paragraph I found the word limbs made me think of her limbs rather than the branches you meant?
I also found it confusing that the hounds could no longer track them although they had been doing so up to the wall. Did the wall keep them out.
the story moved at a great pace and made me want to turn the page to read on.
Great writing.
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