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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/zorak666
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9 Public Reviews Given
9 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Spectre  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi=)
I rather enjoyed the story. It had a sort of "The others" vibe
I really like the last line ("I'm so sorry...I seem to be mistaken") , said almost matter-of-factly

If I had any suggestion it would be concerning the two lines: "His innards trembled." and "bowels quivered".
While both are perfectly apt fear descriptions on their own, they kind of convey the same feeling when so close together and it almost feels like your describing the same thing twice. Also, since he's a ghost... maybe
he would feel fear differently than a human since he doesn't exactly have bowels or innards, but that is really just a matter of taste.

All in all, good job and good luck

Sincerely, Zorak666
2
2
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi...I thought you're entry was very good, I like the buildup to the baseball twist, it gives the impression that this girl is in some sort of mortal danger.but still you feel something isn't quite right with the picture and then....aaaaahhh....THAT kind of home. =)

sincerely, Zorak666
3
3
Review of Dear Diary  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello..I'm new to this site so i'm a bit wet behind the ears, haven't even posted my own story yet , but here goes. I quite enjoyed the read and it fit well once i saw what the prompt was.

However, I would have maybe liked to see just a tad more explanatory meat on some of the bones, especially regarding to the circumstances of the pregnancy; (How did it happen...did they skip birth control or did it falter?, and if her parents are so dead set against her having an abortion, then why is she so care free about the idea of having one? Would she not have suspected her parents reaction?

Also I would have liked to know how she's feeling about her kid four years later. She's not as bitter as she used to be, but does Sarah have anything to do with that? Does the mom enjoy watching her kid grow, perhaps into talents of her own?...

whoops..I'm rambling...excuse me.

To conclude: Overall I enjoyed it, and could sympathize with the characters situation. I like the line about Ricky still being a star quarterback, drawing the line between the Mothers shattered dreams vs the Fathers freedom to have his figurative cake and eat it too (in this particular situation, not generally =)

I also like the end ("So long ballerina. Hello Mommy") it's simple and to the point...unlike me it seems =).

Best wishes, Zorak666
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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/zorak666