draft

As the three of us loaded into the car on our way for a weekend with the girls, I thought back to how I had met Vivian, my best friend. My long time boyfriend, Dave and I had met, passionately fallen in lust, gradually fallen into love, and finally, agonizingly, had fallen out of love. She appeared like a miracle from a guardian angel I didn’t believe in, but who believed in me, and wrapped me up to save me. My whole world had gone into a spin that left me dizzy while I leaned on her to protect me from the tornado of my life. How remarkable it was that I could sit and look back on the whole situation with a calm face and a peaceful mind; it was as if it had never existed at all. Throughout the whole ordeal, she kept smiling and looking at me with those deep blue eyes that told me everything was going to be fine, just fine, without saying one word. Because she stood there looking at me, the tornado was a little further out of reach and I heard myself handling everything perfectly without thought as to what I was doing. Instead, thoughts of her crept over my mind and of what would have been if she had not been there to guide me.

Once the drama had passed, Vivian got together with my friend Jezzie and they plotted to take me away for some home away from home time to clear my thoughts. So, here I was, on my way up into the hills, though the condo on the hill was hardly roughing it, to spend some girl time with a new friend and a very old one. It never occurred to me to protest, though my life felt right for the first time since my childhood and no trip could improve upon that; adventures into the unknown fascinated me. I needed some new materials for my painting anyway so I packed my camera and my sketchbook, but mostly looked forward to spending luxurious evenings with Vivian at my side, chatting while we drew out landscapes and whisked wishes across them to create stunning works of art.

The car came to a halt at the lone grocery/gas/pharmaceutical store on the hill that led to the cabin style condo my parents had on reserve for weekend getaways such as this. The town existed only to cater to those who had the money to waste on such grand “camping” trips, but it had a small town feel and looked as if it at the drop of a hat it could become a ghost town with one small shop, a few boutiques, and a few scattered buildings to house the lonely faces that looked up at me as we passed through. The area had a familiar feel, though I didn’t recognize the faces; my parents and I had never spent much time in town when I was growing up. Nevertheless, the pudgy man behind the counter seemed to know me, smiling profusely when we walked in and telling me how grown up I looked as he bagged supplies to stock the bar, cigarettes, and comfort food. I saw him at home, stuffing himself with ho-hos and fluff, telling himself everything was alright now because he had visitors in town, and then suddenly choking on the sweet, gooey paste in his throat with no one to rescue him, and no one to miss him after it was over. He went limp in his chair as he thought the last thoughts that would pass through his mind, those of his first love. “You might want to stay away from that fluff, Mr…. Davidson,” I stuttered, “could be bad news.” I became flustered, and blushed as he flinched away, his smile faltering for a mere second then returning at broad as ever.

Patting his rounded stomach, he still grinned, “I know, gotta lose a few of these, but I do have a weakness for the sweets; have a fun trip ladies and come back to see me, eh?”

As soon as I burst out into the open air feeling dizzy and flustered, Jezzie started in on me, “What the hell was that all about, Em?” she demanded, “You gonna start telling me to lay off the Twinkies now; you think just because we’re fat we don’t have feelings? Just because you’re upset doesn’t mean you need to be a bitch to everyone.”

She did have a good point, despite the fact that I had been the opposite of bitch since I had broken things off with Dave. My mind wandered and I thought back to my comment to the man inside; how could I try to change something set in motion? That was like looking to God and telling her she was wrong and I knew just how to fix that minor problem. I could never explain to Jezzie how I saw things that were brutally true; she was too business-minded and brash to listen to such talk of feelings and intuition. “I don’t know what I was thinking; I’m sorry…” I trailed wondering why I couldn’t catch what she was thinking, “It just slipped out, and no, you’re not fat and I wouldn’t say that to you either.” I said defensively. Vivian silently slipped an arm around me and gave me a hug, those placid lagoons engulfing me as the sound of a wetland night soothed my mind and took me away from the tubby man at the store who would meet his sweet, sugary end thinking of that pretty girl in eighth grade with the deep chocolaty braids he longed to touch.

The last leg of the trip was spent in silence; I spent a lot of my time these days floating through the space of my imagination more and more; strange how it felt more natural than breathing most days. I was having more and more episodes like the one at the shop as a result. I wish I could know what to say, that was the only thing. If I could figure that one out, I would be fine. How do you tell someone when something is going to happen? Most would rather be oblivious; I recalled tearfully telling my best friend in high school that she had breast cancer and she needed to see a doctor immediately to which her reply was her cocking her head in confusion and her nervously telling me, “You shouldn’t joke about things like that, Em.” When she finally did discover the truth to my words, she never spoke to me again. Now I speak in riddles; I’m a fortune telling machine. If the air is right, I can feel someone’s love, hate, agony, or distrust, and I can see into them as if their life’s story is the ice floating in a cool glass of water and they are the glass. That mouth of mine; I have yet to figure out how to make that contraption fit my purpose.

When we arrived at the condo, I snapped out of a stroll into lands covered in impossible gold and silver butterflies so big you could ride around on them and grass so green it hurt your eyes, like looking into the sun; so beautiful yet so perilous. Jezzie and Vivian had started up a conversation about weight loss products and which diets worked best, so I stayed out of it. I learned early into building relationships with other women that really overweight people don’t like to hear slightly overweight people talk about dieting or how fat they are. I busied myself in the car while they brought in bedding and backpacks; I’d wait it out until the topic changed tunes. We were all comfortable enough about our bodies, though none of us were trim and fit, but there are still some lines that you can’t cross with girls. We love ourselves but don’t mention that we’re “big” girls, oh, and don’t be smaller than us and say that you’re fat.

Once the coast was clear, I set to carrying in my green beach bag, art supplies, and the majority of supplies for the weekend; mostly all snacks and elements of fruity cocktails we could sip while enjoying good conversation and just being alive in our own little world. I set up camp in the master bedroom where the bed had far finer sheets and blankets than I could ever afford in my humble apartment, and the jacuzzi tub screamed my name after a long day in the car, tense from feeling how others felt on top of how I felt. On days like these, it used to feel good to be alone, but now all I felt was a need to call Vivian in here and ask her to sit in the bathroom and talk to me while I soaked and feel her presence that didn’t demand so much effort from me. When I looked into other people’s minds, I saw hurt and chaos, but when I looked into hers, I could only hear the ocean, or the sweet chirping crickets, gaze into a mind’s eye sunset that didn’t hurt your eyes, and laugh with joy; all pure simplicity. She never had to say a word to me, and often didn’t; I would just sit and listen to her mind and be at peace with the world.

I sat down on the bed and tested it; it was sinfully beautiful. I thought about taking a nap in here after my soak and resolved that this would be the plan for the evening; I came here for some relaxation and I was going to get it. Upon reaching this decision, I slipped out of my clothes and into my robe. I wasn’t shy about my body, but I wasn’t sure how Jezzie would respond to me traipsing around in my underwear in front of her when it had been so long since we had last hung out together. I walked out into the living room and saw the girls chatting in the kitchen; when I walked in, they stopped. “What, you can’t talk in front of me now?” I joked. They only looked at me and giggled feebly; a feeling washed over me that I was an unwanted part of this meeting of theirs.

An awkward moment passed between us; Vivian broke the silence, “How come you’re wearing your robe so early? Jezzie and I were thinking we should all go out and meet up with some guys she knows that are staying in one of the cabins down the road. Have a couple cocktails…you know.” She gave me a strange look and in my mind I tried to send her a picture of the Jacuzzi filled with bubbles and laughter, but all I got was that odd look and a picture of everyone laughing and having a good time in the condo down the street.

My plans for that evening floated away like a balloon set free by a careless child, and I set to readying myself for that evening. I pulled on a tight black tank top and jeans that hugged my legs and butt in all the right places, and wished I could be more comfortable, but admired the way I looked in the mirror. I pulled my short red hair back with a few pins and dabbed on some gloss. I’ve always been able to get away with simplicity in clothing and makeup and still look great, thankfully, because my mind was often too scattered to really put in an effort, this evening being no exception. I pulled on my sneakers while imagining a trail into the woods, walking down a road framed by a carpet of greenery speckled in bright fuchsia flowers. The trees gazed down at me from far above and I felt beautiful here, in touch with myself as I wondered why I couldn’t enjoy this longer. The girls had made plans without me; I felt the weekend souring already. Wasn’t this about me? They were my best friends and couldn’t even ask me what I wanted to do? I looked down again but the greenery surrounding me was rotting, turning brown and collapsing into sludge as I strolled through. I grabbed a long sleeved shirt to keep me warm in case it got chilly and left the bedroom disgusted with myself.
Trying to focus on having a good time, I met the girls in Jezzie’s room. Vivian hadn’t even bothered to get ready with me even though we shared a room. They were still busying themselves, both slipping into low cut shirts to accentuate their “girls” and knee length skirts. Vivian looked beautiful in denim and pink with her wild curly brown hair pinned up to frame her face. I wanted to kiss her then, but chose against it, knowing that we would have the night to ourselves when we got home. I sat down on the bed, “You both look great, are we ready to have some fun tonight?” I asked, trying to sound enthusiastic.
Vivian looked at me and smiled; it made my heart flutter, “Em, wow, you look amazing, she said, “Are you sure this is cool with you?”
How could I deny a face like that? “Of course, a few cocktails and a few cute guys could liven things up around here. Jezzie, you ready?” I asked.
She looked up at me from her mirrored image and grinned, “Of course I’m ready; always ready to get into a little trouble.”
“Let the fun begin, ladies.” I said, with one on each arm, a mock lover to one, a real lover to another, but just a girl on her way out for a little trouble to the rest of the world.
The music was so loud that we heard it from down the street, thumping and pounding that sped my heart as I heard voices chattering. I knew the barrage that would be coming through my head and tuned down my senses and focused solely on my partners and hugged them both close to me. As we walked through the front door, I released them both and whispered sweetly into Vivian’s ear, “Have fun, but remember: I will be waiting for you tonight. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I want you so bad I can taste it.”
“Mmm…” she licked her lips, “would you like a drink?”
“Yes.” I bent my head slightly and kissed her on the neck, a private touch no one could see or feel but us. With that, she was off into the crowded room of people to find the bar. Jezzie had dashed into the crowd the moment we walked in; I spotted her next to a group of very attractive guys. I walked up to her, grinning. “Introduce me to your friends?” I asked her, stopping to do a thorough survey of the one leaning over the bar. His thin frame was accentuated with a simple tee shirt and jeans, a hat cocked on his head to cover untamed rich coffee colored hair that framed clear and inquisitive blue eyes.
“Guys, this is Em, her parents have funded this little excursion for us. Em, this is Paul, Steve, John, and Alex.”
“Nice to meet you guys. Now, who wants to pour me a cocktail so I can jumpstart the night?” I smiled at Paul, who graciously handed me a rum and coke as instructed and returned one of those long looks I had given him just moments ago. I thanked him and looked around, trying to spot Vivian who had been gone for ten minutes now and was nowhere near the bar. I figured she would find me as soon as she needed another drink, so I turned my attentions to Paul and attempted to be sociable while I wondered where Vivian had gone. “Thanks for the drink. Is this your place?” I asked him while walking out to the patio to enjoy a smoke and a space less crowded and noisy.
“Steve’s parents’ place.” He pointed out the guy Jezzie was blatantly flirting with. His attentions turned elsewhere. “I like that tattoo on your neck.” He caught me off-guard; his seductive voice teased my senses as he trailed a finger over the star and moon I had inked at the nape of my neck. “Tell me, are you one of those people who does it for the pain of it, or do you just enjoy the art?” For a moment, I was speechless. He gazed down at me, searching for an answer.
“Honestly, both.” I said as I gathered myself, “You never know how alive you are until you feel pain; it has its own fierce beauty. And, I’m an artist; I designed that tattoo myself. Pain and beauty bestowed on you in one shot, like life, only it’s physical and easier to deal with.”
“I’m impressed,” he said looking surprised, “I feel the same way, like I get tattooed to give myself this meaning; this is how I cope with pain and this is how I am rewarded. It’s like a scar, you remember everything you went through to get that mark on your body, and it’s beautiful because it was painful and you survived it.”
I was surprised that we weren’t casually chatting; he went right to the point. I liked that because I was so blunt myself that I often didn’t leave room for idle chitchat. That voice; sweet and textured like a soft caramel in his mouth, reached my ears and granted my mind the same sensation. I wondered what it would be like to make love to him while that voice resonated around the room as I dug my hands into his soft hair. We gazed at each other, waiting for the other to break the silence, but enjoying that we weren’t doing so. I opened my mind to him and felt a want so powerful that it took my breath from me; it overtook me and made me unsteady. More disturbingly so, I felt the same in myself and I found myself wet and wanting him back.
I let out my breath and shook the moment. Where was Vivian? I looked near the bar and didn’t see Jezzie either. Where had they gone? What was I doing? I finished my drink quickly and looked to Paul who wordlessly left with a smile to get me another. I began wondering how to get myself out of this situation without doing something I shouldn’t even be thinking about. Vivian would be waiting at home for me and I needed to be there so we could enjoy a peaceful night together enjoying each other’s bodies as I had planned. This was supposed to bring us closer together, not tear us apart. I resolved to have one more cocktail with my handsome new companion and then part ways so I could make my way back home where the girls were surely waiting for me. That settled, I looked to the stars; they were so much clearer out here than they were at home. I envisioned myself lying on my back in a field of grass, where the stars were bright and the sky was clear, where the only company I had was fireflies that glowed pink and orange against the night. Then that handsome face showed and leaned over to kiss me and I openly embraced it, moaning slightly as he touched me tenderly and told me how beautiful I was.
I snapped back to reality when the patio door opened. Paul, drinks in hand, walked up to me, set my drink softly in my hand and lit a cigarette as he casually sipped his own drink. I mirrored him, and he lit my cigarette for me as I gazed at him wanting him and knowing he returned the feeling. “Thank you.” I said, wondering what I thought I was doing looking at him like that. He made me feel like only one other person had been able to make me feel, my love, Vivian. She would not openly act the part though; she kept us a secret “As we should be” she told me one night, “Love like this should not be shared with the world.” I wanted to shout out to everyone how I felt; yet I kept it a secret because she wanted it so. This man in front of me did not tell me to hide within myself. In fact, he looked as if he would ravish me right now, in front of everyone had I allowed it; sharing ourselves and our want with the world.
“No boyfriend?” He asked casually.
“I have a…lover waiting at home for me.” I wondered if he picked up on my lack of pronoun and realized I didn’t care if he did.
“Where is he now, leaving you alone when you should be wrapped in his arms, instead of looking at me so needy?” He looked straight into my eyes as he said this and I blushed.
“It’s…” I faltered.
“What, something secret? Is he embarrassed of your curvy figure, those beautiful green eyes, or the fact that you’re a woman so capable of…” he wrapped an arm around me and I shuddered with lust, “passion.” He said, looking into my eyes still and leaning over me to kiss me. I pulled away, shocked at myself for wanting something so badly when I had something at home waiting for me.
“I really need to go now.” I said, finishing my drink. Was it really that strong or was I feeling intoxicated because of him? “Thank you for everything, but I need to go find my friends.” I pulled away and he lingered near me, I could smell his cologne, the smoke, and the alcohol on his breath; it filled me and I wished I could stay there with him and do exactly what my body told me I needed to do. My mind told me to get away while I was still thinking clearly enough to do so.
“I enjoyed talking to you,” he said “stop back by; I’ll be here all weekend. I’d really like to see you again.” Again in that voice that filled me; I needed to find Vivian and Jezzie.
“I’m sure we’ll be back over.” I said hurriedly as I opened the door leading back into the house. “Nice meeting you, Paul.” I left, avoiding his eyes that could bring me back to him in an instant. I walked into the room, music drowning out voices that laughed and that shouted to be heard. I searched the living room, the kitchen, the den, and finally the bedrooms. They had left, just as I’d suspected. I walked up to Steve to ask him if he knew how long ago they had left and if where they had gone, but he was too trashed to make any sense. I said goodbye and left the house, headed toward my sanctuary, my heart racing and my mind chaos.
I took my time getting back to the condo, gathering my thoughts and getting myself centered. So much was racing through my head that I had a hard time focusing on the task at hand instead of wandering back into my own daydreams to comfort myself. There were things I needed to think about before I saw Paul again, and I wondered what I would tell Vivian I had been doing; I hadn’t seen her since we had walked into the party, and I knew she would sense that I was flustered; she had a sixth sense about that kind of thing. I breathed deeply and the night air began to sober me; the stars looked down and comforted me, and the trees blew a slight breeze on me that made me chilly, but I felt better. I began looking forward to seeing Vivian’s face, her warm body, and hearing her soft voice that soothed me when I needed it most, telling me that she was there for me and I needed no one else but her.
I tiptoed inside and poured myself another drink, so I would be perfectly at ease when I saw her. I knew she would be in bed waiting for me, so I didn’t worry about hurrying things up; there was always time for love, but this was time for me. I sat outside on the front porch and lit a cigarette, sipping my drink and watching the smoke curl and twist lazily against the black sky. Maybe tomorrow I would wake up, slip into my hiking clothes and invite Vivian to go on an excursion with me so I could take some pictures for the new set of sketches I was planning. I knew Jezzie would sleep in until one or so, so we would have a little bit of alone time before she was ready to socialize with us anyway. Paul became a distant thought, and I felt ready to go inside and see my love. I put out my cigarette, finished my drink, and walked inside. As I was slipping off my shoes, I heard something in Jezzie’s bedroom; I should probably go say goodnight, I thought. She was obviously still awake, so I opened the door to her bedroom.
When I did, my heart raced into my throat and I thought I was going to be sick. Vivian lay, exposed on the bed while Jezzie loved her the way I had been planning on doing just minutes before. “What in the hell is going on?” I screamed as both of them jumped, looked at me, and Jezzie looked ashamed as Vivian smiled at me, those blue pools looking murky and ugly on her face. I wanted to slap her.
“Hi, my love.” She said to me as she tried to guide Jezzie’s head back down to pleasure her. “I thought you might like some company tonight.” I was revolted at the scene, and the buzz I had going only fueled my anger.
“I would not like any company, you bitch!” I screamed. I wanted to throw something; I wanted to wipe that smug look off her face as she smiled at me, thinking she was so cute that I would fall for it. Jezzie looked sheepish but said nothing, so much for friendship. Who were these people? There I was, making sure I saved myself for that bitch lying in another woman’s bed, making love to her with no excuses, no regrets, and no love for me. “You fucking cunts; what about us, Vivian? Where in the fuck do you get off thinking you can cheat on me, and with my best friend? And as for you, Jezzie, you continue this and I will never speak to you again! You knew about us!” My eyes welled with tears and I was shaking. The two looked to each other and kissed. “Bitches!” I screamed so hard my throat ached. I had reverted to childhood; I needed to leave before I did something terrible. I wanted to destroy my love, what a joke; destroy her beautiful face and those eyes that had turned traitor on me. I saw nothing but red as I left, slamming the door and fuming wondering where I was going to go, and knowing exactly where simultaneously.
I stomped out the door, grabbing my purse as I left; headed toward the boys’ cabin I had just come from. I lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply; questions flooded my mind that I could’ve known had I not been so blind with anger when I found them. How long had I been gone? Were they plotting this before we went to the party? How long had they been sleeping together while Vivian professed undying love to me? And how dare they continue their betrayal in front of me? Tears leaked down my face as I walked back into the party, knowing I would be committing the same sin Vivian and Jezzie did and not caring in the least.
I hit the bar, downing three rapid shots of Bacardi with a group of guys who cheered me on, looking for Paul, needing him more now than before. He was still standing out on the patio where I had left him. It was if he knew I would be back and he needed no other company while awaiting my return. I walked over and opened the door, bitter with rage and feeling tipsy, knowing I sought something I shouldn’t. “Nice to see you again… you look like hell.” He said softly, noticing my face streaked with tears. He walked over to me as I plopped down on a chair.
“Can you get me a drink?” I asked him quietly. He left without a word. I tried to go into my mind for comfort, but my field of stars was black, and the grass I lay on was soft with decay and crawled on my skin as creatures unseen to me helped it on its way. I gasped and shook knowing I had no comfort but this world and my own body, both of which crushed down on me, giving up, not knowing what to do to soothe my discomfort.
I felt a drink placed into my hand. “Thank you.” I said, finally looking up into his eyes for the first time since I had arrived.
“No problem.” He said, pulling up a chair right in front of me. “Problems with your lover?”
“I have no lover.” I said, seething.
“I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me. I’m just glad to have your company.” He looked sincere enough and I gave him a little smile, to which he returned a full one, lighting up his eyes and reminding me why I had come here.
“It’s nice talking to you.” I said, intoxicated. I looked down at my drink; had I finished that one already? I had gone way over my limit I realized as I tried to remember how many drinks I’d had and couldn’t. My mind ran slow; what was his name again? Stunning Blue Eyes my drunken mind told me. “So, Stunning Blue Eyes,” I said, wait, was that right? That didn’t sound right. He was laughing softly to himself. “Where can we go to get away from all this…bussshit?” Did that sound right either? I asked myself. It didn’t really matter anymore. All that mattered was that Stunning Blue Eyes smiled at me and led me through the throng of people, letting me lean against his warm body, and wrapping me in strong arms while his scent pervaded my senses. The only way I could feel whole again would be with him inside me, our bodies and spirits joining to create one beautiful body, one beautiful life force.
He lay me down on the bed and got up to close the door to his bedroom. Pulling off my tank, I tried to look as seductive as I could, but really only felt sick. I sat up, blood pounding, trying to focus on the task at hand. He sat down next to me, my savior, and put an arm around me. Comforted, I closed my eyes and waited for him to kiss me, turning my face toward him and smiling slightly. He kissed me on the forehead softly, “Shhh… It’s okay.” He said. I went with it, awaiting his touch. I rested my head against him, reclining on the soft pillows behind me. “I’ve wanted you all night,” I confessed, “I know you want me; I can see it in your mind.” I said sleepily. “Just lay here with me; don’t worry about that now.” I heard him say as I drifted off to sleep in his arms.
Jezzie awoke with a start, feeling something wasn’t right with her. She looked over to Vivian whose voluptuous naked form lay sleeping next to her. She smiled and remembered last night’s lovemaking, so astonishing, yet forbidden. It always felt the best when it went against the rules, she mused. A pain in her right side reminded her why she had awoken and she reached under her nightgown to touch it. Intense pain made her cringe and she realized she needed to get a look at it; the morning light seeping through the blinds would not suffice. She stepped softly out of the room, so as not to wake up her precious Vivian. The light in the bathroom came on with a click; she squinted, adjusting to its searing brightness. She lifted up the hem of her nightgown to reveal two round, swollen figures beneath her skin. Small hoops of red, swollen flesh stared back at her; it looked as if something had taken refuge in her body. She touched them again and one began moving. She screamed out, screaming to wake herself up, for this to not be real; screaming for Vivian to rescue her.
Moments later, Vivian came into the bathroom, asking sleepily if Jezzie was okay. She looked down to the swollen lumps, one of which was writhing frantically beneath the skin, pulling and twisting the flesh as Jezzie screamed against the nightmare that invaded her body. Vivian, horrified, touched her own side in apathy and felt two identical bumps on her own side. She screamed out and the two sounded in unison at the unknown plight that was upon them. The thing in Jezzie’s side began digging deeper, the flesh seemingly healing as the lump went down, but she felt it going in, eating her like hot acid in her gut. She tried to calm down so she could help Vivian, even if she could not save herself. Knowing that once it got deep enough, vital organs would be eaten through and internal bleeding would begin; she had precious time to tell Vivian what to do. She bit her teeth against the searing pain, collapsing against the floor. The tile felt cool against her skin and even in her weakened state, she felt mildly revived. “Sit down next to me.” She told Vivian and she obeyed, small sounds of horror and dismay still escaping her mouth. Jezzie held Vivian’s shoulders and told her to stop; they needed to figure out how to remove whatever was causing this, at any cost.
“What to do you want me to do?” Vivian asked shaking.
“Go into the kitchen, and find the sharpest knife in there. You want something big enough to cut through these lumps, and small enough to cause minimum damage.” She said, trying to stay awake so she could direct Vivian, knowing she wouldn’t do what was necessary unless someone guided her. “Hurry my love, and bring a bottle of the strongest alcohol we have.” Jezzie heard her own voice, telling Vivian these things, but as the pain got more intense, she knew she might not make it; wouldn’t it be better to just go to sleep now and not feel the end? When Vivian returned, Jezzie was barely awake. She shook her, then slapped her, then doused her in cold water to revive her. In all of the chaos, the thing in Vivian’s side awoke and began lazily stretching out, as if waking from a deep slumber. She collapsed on the floor, screaming in pain. Jezzie awoke, eyes barely open, looking down in wonder where only one lump remained and an excruciating ache replaced the other. She had little time, “Take the knife and pour the alcohol over it, then do the same on my skin; you’re going to have to try to remove this last one in my side so I can help you before it’s too late.” She directed Vivian to the last distended mass on her side. “Try not to go too deep. I love you, sweetie.” She kissed her and looked away, not wanting to see her own body being torn apart at Vivian’s hands.
Vivian knew better than to protest. “I love you too.” She said softly. She took a shot out of the bottle and the burning in her throat helped her focus on Jezzie, rather than her own pain that was rapidly becoming more intense. She cut into Jezzie, blood pouring out, and seeing nothing…where was it? What was she looking for? She cut deeper and saw it suddenly, a gray and gold worm-like thing attached to the tissue and writhing about. She took the incision longer down Jezzie’s side and it came into full view. She grabbed the monster, spines drawing blood in her own flesh, and yanked it out of the new wound. It split in half as she did, half of it still buried in skin untouched by her makeshift surgical tool. She flung the thing onto the floor, as it moved and sought out a new home. She took the bottle and smashed the parasite, shattering glass, blood, and a gray matter that stank of shit and garbage left out to rot. She gagged and turned away. Breathing slow and precise breaths out, she turned back and finished removing the intruder. She looked to her lover for advice and help, but Jezzie had passed out long ago, and nothing would awaken her.
She had taken too long, she decided, overlooking how large the wound was on her dearest who was cut open from just under her armpit to above her hip carelessly as Vivian had searched for the malignant creature. She took to her own side, shock and her new methodical way of thinking guiding her. If she could just get herself taken care of, she could surely get them both to a hospital to stop the bleeding. No big deal. She took the knife to her own side, seeing that one lump had gone down, just like Jezzie’s. Maybe she would be okay, her mind tried to reason, but her body told her something was very wrong and getting worse every minute. She dug into her own side, clenching her teeth against the pain and searching out its source. She saw nothing. She felt movement up her side and to her neck, where the pain now became excruciating as she took the knife to her own throat and unthinkingly, stabbed into the lump she felt, tearing through tissue, ripping into skin trying to destroy the thing. Shocked at her own sloppiness, she dropped the knife and she leaned over, grasping her lover as blood poured over the both of them. “I love you.” She whispered and thought of Em, the lover she betrayed. “I’m sorry.” She said as she closed her eyes for the last time.
I awoke with a start, the nightmare still fresh in my mind. I relaxed and snuggled closer to Paul, who still lay sleeping fully clothed next to me. I smiled thinking of how badly I wanted him and knowing there would be time for that soon enough. I lay awake, knowing that my nightmare would come true, and that I had caused it. I digested this information. I would have to be more careful when daydreaming, I noted; no more getting trashed to the point where I had no control of my wanderings either. I kissed Paul softly and slipped out of his arms. I knew what I had to do. I threw on a sweater he had lying over a chair, grabbed my cigarettes, and slipped into my sneakers. I left quickly, leaving the door open so I could make my way back in silently.
I stepped out, the morning air refreshing me as I lit a cigarette and strolled out within hearing distance of my cabin. I sat on a rock, smoking slowly and pleasurably. I listened to the screams coming from the cabin as I watched to make sure no one intruded to stop them from completing their destiny. I felt no remorse as the cabin got quiet and I knew they had met their end. Who was I to change what had been set in motion? It was meant to be. I put out my cigarette, taking my butt with me to ensure it would not be found. I slipped silently back into the cabin and into Paul’s arms, sleeping the deep sleep of someone at peace with the world.