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Rated: 18+ · Fiction · Comedy · #105192
Ants...What they are really like.
The ants marched into the kitchen. The lead ant, called Fred to his buddies, took out his scope. "There", he said as he pointed toward a white cabinet that had butterflies painted on it in a sickenly floral way.

The ants turned in unison. Fred turned toward them, extracted his laser pointer and said. "I am going to make this easy. I am gonna split us up in group of four and as I point to you, I want you to each say your number. For Instance, Joe here is one, Brad here is two Carl is three and Roberto is four. Ok, lets get to it.

Fred pointed his laser beam at one of the ants and he glared at him. "Dammit Fred, where did you get that stupid idea.?"

Fred blinked. "Stupid? what the hell do you mean stupid? I will have you know Bernardo that I saw them do this at a college that I was in just the other day."

Bernardo sighed, "Fred, how many of us do you think are here. Fred stood on his toes to look as far as he could see. "Well looks like quite a bit, but I am sure if we count quickly we can get through this pretty fast.

Fred cleared his thought. "Now where was I? Dammit I think I need to start over. He pointed his laser again at Joe you are one, Brad you are two.

Two of the ants way in the backstarted to fidget a bit. "Charles, can you hear whats going on? Nope, I cant hear a thing they are saying. Though I do think Fred was counting. Not sure why."

Fred was onto the third group of four when Bernardo had had enough. He raced up and punched Fred in the face. "Stop!" Stop! I dont know how you got voted as leader. I dont know how I ended up with such a bunch of clueless ants.

Fred reared back, and before Bernardo knew what happened Fred slapped the laser pointer across his face over and over.

The ants closest to them cheered on the fight. It was common knowledge that these two didn't get along. Several had placed bets how long it would take for them to start fighting. Money passed hands. Joe and Brad looked at each other. "I guess we need to break it up", Joe said. Joe leaned over and grabbed Fred off of

Bernardo who by now was pretty bloody. Joe grabbed the laser and quickly handed it to Brad. "Keep this for now", he instructed.

Fred glared at Joe. I want my laser back now! Joe stared Fred down . Joe may be the leader but everyone respected Joe and knew that if he wanted, he could beat the hell out of him if he wanted.

Joe looked at both Fred and Bernardo. "I am pretty dissapointed in the both of you. We are ants. We are the most organized creatures on this planet and you make of mockery of our well earned reputation." Both Fred hung his head in shame but Bernardo kept glaring at fred as if he wanted another chance to hit him.

Charles looked at his friend Eddie. "You know...they probably wouldnt notice if we were on the raid for the sugar bowl." Eddie grinned at Charles. "Nope I bet they wouldn't. I bet that by the time that Fred gets to counting us another fight will break out.

Charles and Eddie looked around and confirned that the others were still distracted by the arguring. "Let's go", Charles whispered. They wove their way through the crowd and down the side of the cabinet. The sound of the other ants were fading as they made there way away from the group. "You know, I think I saw a some chocolate in the desk drawer in the living room., Eddie said.

They looked around to make sure that no humans were around and made there way into the living room. A bra was strung over the arm of the couch and a dress was thrown to the floor. " I guess she didn't hav time to pick up her clothes", Ed remarked snidely. Charles shot him a glare. "You need to relax once in a while Ed. It will help your heart. "Whatever", Ed responded. "Over here", said Charles. He crawled over the bra and up the leg of the coffee table. Charlesled the way over to the top of the table. "I saw it in this drawer. A bunch of chocolate." Ed sniffed the air. "Well I'll be Charles! This is an awesome score. Its Godiva." Just then they heard an explosion that that could only have come from the kitchen.

Ed juimped and grabbed ahold of Charles. "I don't think I want to know what is going on in there', he said with a quiver to his voice.

"Stop It!" Brad screamed as he ran over to pull Bernardo off of Fred again. The rest of the ants swarmed away at first and then surrounded them. The kitchen table was covered a bed of ants. Bernardo grabbed on of Fred's legs and ripped it off of his body. He tossed it aside as if it was yesterdays lettuce.

"You bastard Fred screamed! He quickly scurried over to pick his leg up. "It's a mess! My leg...you ripped my appendage off of my body. How could you? You heartless son of a bitch. Suddenly it got quiet. The only noise that could be heard was Fred sobbing. He craddled his leg. He looked up at Joe with tears in his eyes, "Do you think it can by re attached?". I don't know Fred. It looks pretty bad from here. You are gonna have to ask the doc.

Bernardo smirked. "If you like I can pull the other one off to match," he laughed. Fred looked at him in shock. Never had he had someone treat him in such a manner. He has been the lead Raid ant for almost ten years and no one ever treated him this way.

He thought back to the early days when him Joe and Brad were young and just starting out. They listened to the seasoned raid leaders. Fred knew they made it that far and that long because they weren't careless and the demanded respect from the other ants.

Fred sighed. Maybe that was his problem. Maybe no one respected him much anymore. Maybe he wanted to be friends and not a leader anymore. Fred shoved his leg off of his lap and onto the kitchen table. Joe gently patted Fred on the back. "It will be ok buddy, don't let this bother you. You will be as good as new." Fred hung his head, "I don't know Joe. I just don't know. Joe wasn't sure of that either, but he wasn't about to say that to Fred.

Bernardo laughed. "Thats right Fred, you don't know a damn thing." He laughed again al ilttel harder.

Joe had had enough of Bernardo and all his snide remarks. He turned, and then clobbered him in the nose. Blood from his nose squirted like a faucet and mixed with Fred's Bernardo screamed like girl adn grabbed his nose. Tears streamed down his face. "what the fuck Joe! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?", he screanmed.

He turned away from him and said, "You figure it out."

"Steve and Kyle I want you to take Fred here to the Doc and see if they can fix him. Bernardo, I want you to get out of my sight." Joe sneered. "I'll get you Joe," he muttered nder his breath as he skulked away.

Thousands of ant eyes were focused on Joe. Thes rest of you, are to remain here. We are still going to raid the sugar bowl come hell or high water. Joes eyes burned with a fire from within and he dared anyone to disagree or argue with him.

Charles crawled over to the drawer where someone had safetly stored the candy. "Charles, I think we should get back" Ed said nervously. "Don't be silly, they don't even know we are gone. Charles eyes shone with anticipation. "mmm I can't wait to carry a couple of peices of that out and back to our rooms.", Charles said. "But didn't you hear that commotin from the kitchen? Something has to be wrong."

Charles stopped trying to get into the desk drawer for a moment. "Look ed, I am sure something is wrong. But dammit man, this is Godiva chocolate. You don't find this all the time. Commotino or not, I am getting my chocolate no matter what."

Ed loooked at Charles. He had know his friend for 12 years now. He knew that when Charles made up his mind to do something that nothing could stop him. Edward sighed. "Ok Charles, its Godiva chocolate or bust!"

"That's my boy! Charles smiled. Now lets get some Godiva."

Bernardo held his nose and made his way through the sea of ants. He looked so angry that as he made his way through they backed away from him. Bernardo made it to theedge of the kitchen and looked back. He didn't say anything to them but under his breath he muttered i'll get even. I will get even with you all, and then he disappeared into the house.

To be continued...

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