If You Only Knew

If you only knew

Karen never dreamed this day would come. In fact, she would not wish it upon her worst enemy. As she stood by the phone, teardrops began to fall from her face. Karen could only stand there, afraid to make the next move. She knew she had to call somebody but she did not know whom to call. And if she did call somebody, she was not sure they would have the right words to console her, or the best advice to give. Karen's eyes flooded with tears. Her legs were wobbly and she felt a sudden surge of pains. "No" she said to herself," I need to be strong. I can do this myself".

Sitting at the desk in the study room, Karen could only think of one thing. Her next best alternative. She grabbed a few sheets of paper and a ballpoint pen. Maybe words could save her, but those words needed to be strong like her self.

Karen did not need a moment to think. As soon as her pen hit the paper, she was unstoppable. Words came pouring out of her like the tears she shed.

Dear Michael,
Do you remember the day of our wedding? You made me a promise and I believed you. I promised the same in return; to love, honor, and cherish all the days of our lives. I have always been in love with you and never stopped fighting for our relationship. I believe I succeeded, but I feel you let me down. Michael, our wedding day was not the only time you made me that promise. You did not need a room full of people to persuade you then. It was genuine, and honest. We were young yes, just short of 18, but you told me you meant every word of it, that you would love me forever in every way you knew possible. As we sat there under the oak tree that day, you said those words and gave me my first ring. The fact that it was only made of tin did not change the meaningfulness of it all. It was that day that I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. It sounds so juvenile to say this now, but I believe what we had and what we've had is real. I would give anything to return to a better time. I would do it all over again, but do you feel the same?

Karen's pen slipped from the palm of her hands. She watched as it hit the wooden floor and did a little spin. If only it were that easy. To think a letter could change things. The grandfather clock in the living room struck 6pm. Michael used to come home around this time. Now he came home later. Nevertheless, he still expected a plate full of dinner, but had to suffer the consequences of having it reheated in the microwave.It seemed like just yesterday since the couple were sitting down to a nice dinner and catching up on the day’s events. Now sure enough, Michael was out with God-knows-who and Karen was slowly tearing apart.

It was Nancy Reynolds who stopped by the apartment one evening to inform Karen of her husband's whereabouts. Nancy was older than Karen, but nevertheless, she was interesting to talk to, very young at heart. Nancy was a good acquaintance if not friend, despite her inclination towards gossiping. For the longest, Nancy's gossip had not bothered Karen; that is of course until the day her husband became the center focus.

"Karen if you only knew what I saw last night! It was Michael, and he was sitting at Gracy's bar, alone. To think, that man is out doing as he pleases while his beautiful wife stays home. Oh. and how he talked up a storm with some young waitress there." Karen’s smile quickly turned to a frown. Was it possible? Her brows shriveled up in defense. Nancy Reynolds felt the need to quickly explain to Karen why she herself was at the bar. "I was out celebrating my daughter's bachelorette party with a few of her friends. It was such a treat for them to have invited this old bag". Karen did not see the point in Nancy trying to explain herself. After all, she was no saint. Nancy got pregnant at the age of 16 by some boy she met at a party. While she never did see that boy again, Nancy was left with a big responsibility of her own. However, things did turn around for her. Nancy was extremely talented and beautiful, and was able to make a lot of money on the side to support her daughter. Later, when Nancy was 21, she met and married a prestigious businessman who decided to adopt her daughter as his own. From then on, Nancy Reynolds maintained a squeaky clean image for the sake of her family's reputation, but Karen knew better.

"Karen, I was just getting ready to leave the bar after one margarita. Daniella and her friends couldn't wait to get on the dance floor at that disco club down the street. Just as I got up to leave, I saw Michael from the corner of my eye. I couldn’t be anymore sure of it. The woman he was with was very beautiful and lets just say she had all the assets. Karen dear, please don't tell me you two are having problems, and so soon." If anyone had seen Michael at the bar, it was a good thing it had been Nancy Reynolds. Lucky for Nancy, Michael had never met her, and Nancy only knew him through wedding photos. Poor Karen stood in front of Nancy not knowing what to say. She could not remember a time in her life where she had felt so humiliated.

Sitting in the living room, Karen grabbed a sofa pillow and held it tight. Within minutes she was throwing punches at it. She prepared herself a cup of black decaffeinated tea and tried to sit down and relax. Looking up above the fireplace mantle, she stared at the portrait of Michael and herself that hung from the wall. It was the very portrait that had been taken the day of their wedding. The picture was only 3 years old! Her and Michael were practically newlyweds. In the picture, Michael had his arm around Karen and wore a long, genuine smile. They appeared so happy together, inseparable. How could he be doing this to her? Karen felt compelled to write again.

Michael, I suppose I was naive back then. I admit I have been a little naive to this day. I kept telling myself that you would be faithful. A friend of mine saw you at the bar. Is that where you met “her”? I admit I denied it for some time. No wife wants to believe her husband has been unfaithful, especially so soon. Are you unsatisfied? The day “she” called the house was the last straw for me. Michael, I love you so much and I believe we can still work things out. Not for the sake of some words that were spoken, but for what we’ve created, and how far we have come in this relationship. So you have been unfaithful. I just wish you would come out and tell me. I want to know that no matter what, you can still confide in me. I think I can handle the fact that you have been seeing another woman, although it kills me. I suppose infidelity is a lot more common these days. I have already stopped being surprised.

Michael, I do not know your intentions with this woman. Whether or not it is only a fling, a new love, a sign that you have yet to curb your wild ways. I want to know if you still love me or if "she" has won your heart. The best gift you can give me is your honesty. You owe me that much. I want to know if I have done something wrong and if we still have a future together. If this is the end I need to move forward for the sake of my well-being.

Before she could write any further, there was tampering at the front door. Michael had arrived. He bolted into the house just as lighting came crashing down. It had been raining outside and Michael’s pants were soaking wet. Karen met him at the front door with a few towels. Michael stood there in a stupefied manner. “Hi Sweetheart. Aren’t you glad you weren’t out there?” Michael leaned over to give his wife a kiss. Being the kind woman she was, Karen faked an upbeat disposition and offered Michael a kiss on the cheek in return. All those Drama classes she had taken in high school were finally paying off. "Hi honey, how was your day? Are you hungry? I could get some food reheated for you. Given the time, I would assume you already ate, but then again..."Yes, of course Karen. I would love it if you could reheat a meal for me. I am very hungry". Michael took off his coat and stripped down to his boxers. He had no intention of wetting the rugs.

After he finished his meal, Michael got in the shower. Karen washed the dishes then quickly went to the study to clear the desk of the chicken scratch she had earlier called a letter. She hid the sheets of paper in an old novel and angrily slammed the book shut. Just then, Michael came into the study. "What's that?" he asked. "Oh, nothing really." Karen turned around and locked eyes with Michael who was now dressed in boxers and a white t-shirt. Michael looked at Karen knowingly. He waited for her to say something, which she did. "Honey we need to talk, there is something I really need to tell you." "I knew it Karen. I know you all too well." Actually, there is something I want to tell you as well." "Then you go first Michael, I’ll wait". "No Karen, I'd like my lady to have the first word." "Michael, I really would rather have you go first." Alright then. Well honey, I don't know if this comes as a surprise to you but lately I have been..."Wait! If you're going to tell me about her, I already know. The bar, the phone calls, the late arrivals! I know it all Michael you are far from discrete." "Honey, what is all this about? Do you think I'm cheating on you?" "What am I supposed to think Michael?" "Karen, there's no way, I would never, and you know that." "Michael, what about all the signs? Am I just supposed to ignore all that? Obviously something is going on." "Karen, anything you think is going on is a complete misunderstanding and this is my fault. I'll have to explain. So this is what happens when you try to keep a surprise from your wife." "Michael, I'm sorry, it's just that I've been so emotional lately..." "Karen, never mind all that, we'll talk about it later. What I was really going to say, what I really wanted to tell you is, we got the house! We qualified! Darling, isn’t that wonderful?" "Oh God, Michael that is wonderful! But how?" "Don't you worry yourself with all the details Mrs. Hunsinger, at least not for now. I just want to share this moment with you. Honey, I wanted this for us for so long. I know you did too and you’ve been so humble about it. It shamed me to think that I couldn't give my wife the house of her dreams." Karen walked up to her husband and hugged him. "Michael, You'll have to forgive me, I've been so silly, I should have confronted you about my feelings sooner. Instead I’ve drowned myself in agony. I do have a tendency to make something out of nothing." Within seconds they were kissing, then hugging, and kissing some more. "Are you happy Karen?" "Oh, yes Michael, I'm delighted." Karen held Michaels embrace. They stood there for several minutes until Michael unwrapped his arms from her back. He cupped Karen's face in his hands, and slowly leaned in for another kiss."Karen, what was it you needed to tell me?" "Oh Michael, I'm pregnant! "