Shelter Me No Longer

Shelter Me No Longer

David Aiden Norman

"...Attention students, please do not use the A-building hallway/stairwell to get to the auditorium for it is under construction. Any student caught using that pathway will be sent to in-school-suspension. That is all, please enjoy your day here at James Isaac High School." And the announcements were over. I tried to focus on my calculus assignment but couldn't stop thinking about my after-school job at mothers' bakery, which began this afternoon. I quickly recalled our conversation at the dinner table yesterday night.

"Mark, it's time you began to work for a living." My father had said.
"Great idea hon. He could work at the bakery after school. Oh! He could start tomorrow, too. I need someone to run the second register."
"Mom, I don't think that's a good idea, I mean, I've had a lot of home work lately and--"
"Now listen here sissy-boy," my dad said, infuriated at my back-talk."You're going to work tomorrow, understand?!"

That's when it all went downhill. My dad began to explain why we work, and then he told me that I would work tomorrow and I would do it for free, until I learn why I work. Then, I tried to explain to him that my life isn't a bed of roses, and that I had a calculus exam coming up soon. He said,"Get over it, Mark. You're not going to college anyway."
I was sore at him for saying that," You can't stop me from going to college! I'll be happy to be out of this hick-town, probably because I'm the only one in this family who has any education past eighth grade!" I quickly resented saying that as Mom excused herself from the table so that she could go cry.
My dad quickly yapped back. "Then go upstairs and pack your shit up and get out of my house!"
"I hate you!"
"Then get the hell out of my house!" So I went upstairs to pack my things. After I packed I waited awhile to see if my father would come upstairs and apologize. As I waited, I heard my mother come out of her room and walk lightly down the stairs to try and cool my fathers attitude. About half an hour later, I walked out the door without anyone noticing. I was going to my older brothers apartment about an hour away, I knew Justin would always take me in.

Another abrupt announcement disrupted my flashback. " Students, this is your Principal..." Why does he have to announce it? I thought. "We're having a problem with students stealing inappropriate amounts of napkins at breakfast and lunch, so from now on Cafeteria Workers will disribute napkins based upon your needs. That will be all." The P.A. cut off. I reluctantly finished my calculus assignment and lulled myself to sleep. I awoke as the bell went off, and left to go to the bakery.

Once I arrived at the bakery, I noticed all the lights were off, and the neon 'OPEN!!' sign wasn't flashing spastically, as usual. I pushed the front door open and noticed a light on in the offices. I walked back there and found my mother, crying in unbearable sobs. Something wasn't right. "Oh Mark!'' She looked up to see me and gave me a huge bear hug. "I'm so happy to see you! Where had you gone last night?"
"Dad got angry at me and told me to leave...so I did, I went over to Justin's." She broke into sobs once again.
"Your father--He,he passed away this morning. After I had left for work. He killed himself." I was completely blown away. My father loved living. How could a man who loved life so much give it all away, just like that? I didn't know. I felt so guilty, like I had slaughtered him with my own hands. He was gone, and I was out of reality's grasp. I knew my landing would hurt more than the fall.

***

We are gathered here today to celebrate and mourn the life of Daniel H. Moorings.
He was a man filled with happiness, and spent his days running a wonderful farm. And as he lie now, we can only say one thing...that it is all Mark's fault.
I awoke from my dream frightfully with tears in my eyes. The alarm buzzer was going off, and I had to get ready for school. That was when it all came back to me. My father was dead. He killed himself...I'm...not...going to school today. I flicked off the light and settled back into my sleep.
How could he have killed himself? I felt surrounded, by a metaphysic puzzle that I couldn't solve. So I was awake now, and I went downstairs and turned on the stereo, and searched for my Regina Spektor c.d, Begin to Hope{i/}. She always soothes me when I'm unhappy, and what an ironic title to choose for the day after my father's suicide. I went out to the kitchen and made coffee and breakfast. I knew my mother wouldn't be in the greatest of moods today, so I made her favorite breakfast: French Toast. I had no clue if this would have any effect on her mood, or if she would even eat, but I did know I needed to eat. It was at least worth a shot to try to help her get over Dad's death. Although, I must admit, I'm not entirely emotionally sound either. Is there any hope for me now?
After eating I returned to the den and opened a book from the shelf, it was Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes. Its about a mentally disabled guy named Charlie who gets an operation in attempt to make him smart. He becomes smart, but then deteriorates. The original test animal was a lab mouse, named Algernon, and in the end Charlie requests that the nurses at the hospital put flowers on Algernon's grave. It's good, but not my favorite. I have a tendency to just pick a book up off the shelf and read it from cover to cover. Strange habit, I know, but I love to read.
I went back upstairs and found my cell phone. Mom was still asleep across the hall so I had to be relatively quiet. I called Justin, I didn't think he knew Dad was dead.
"Hey, you've reached Justin--" I hung up, I couldn't leave him a voice mail I had to talk to him in person.
This was going to be hard on my mind, body, and soul. I already knew.
***