A Cat's Guide to the Holidays

A Cat’s Guide to the Holidays

As you may remember from last year, the winter holidays are a time of great stress and upheaval for your human.  She may show her stress in odd ways. Sometimes she will cry.  Sometimes she will drink too much.  Sometimes she will eat all the leftover goodies and blame it on the dog.  Whatever she does, keep in mind that this period will pass, and she will return to her usual self after New Year’s.

As important as it is to take care of your human at this time, it is also a time for having a lot of fun.  Here are some ideas.

Watch your humans put up the tree.  Some humans do not put up a tree, but many do, and they do it simply to increase your enjoyment of the holidays.  Watching humans struggle with a live tree, which often has the amusing habit of tipping over at inopportune moments can be very amusing.  You may even learn some new and colorful expressions by watching.  When the humans have gone to bed, it’s fun to pull off the ornaments and play with them, particularly if you can get the other cats to join in.  Your humans can always put them back on when they wake up. If you get a tongue-lashing, you can always blame the mess on the dog.

Another fun thing to do is sneak outside when the humans are busy decorating the yard or grappling with the tree.  This is even more exciting if you are an indoor beastie.  See how long it takes before the humans figure out that you are missing.  Just don’t go near the road; cars tend to be unforgiving of animals who are exploring.

Holidays are prime opportunities for parties, and if your human gives one, take advantage of all the heavy winter coats piled up to take a long and satisfying nap.  Choose a coat that complements your own: such as black on white.  Most humans no longer wear real fur coats, but if you find one, it can be quite satisfying to claim as your own. 

Helping a guest overcome her fear of felines is always a kind thing to do.  You can tell which guests are nervous around cats because they will clutch their drink tighter and turn a little pale.  Stroll closer and brush against their ankles.  Usually, they will try to shoo you away or pretend that you do not exist, in hopes that you will leave.  Refuse to take no for an answer.  If you persist long enough, the guest will be captivated by your charm and beauty.

If you feel in need of a good grooming, perhaps after some adorable but sticky fingered munchkin has patted you, stroll into the middle of the room where the adults are conversing and begin to clean yourself, paying particular attention to your privates.  The adults will not notice, but a nearby child will and announce your doings in a loud voice.  This may embarrass your human, causing her to hustle you off to another room.  If you can’t get out, announce your displeasure in a plaintive voice, until someone liberates you.

Santa Claus is an invention of humans.  He is usually portrayed as a rotund gentleman with a white beard who brings gifts to those who are good.  Young humans are the ones who tend to believe in him and that is why they leave out milk and cookies.  They do not have to know that it is actually the big humans in the household who eat the cookies, and it is you who licks up any spilled milk.  Regardless of who brings the gifts, they tend to be quite fascinating, and the wrappings and boxes they come in, more so.  Even if you do not typically sleep in the tree room, do make a foray in to investigate the presents.  If you accidentally break something, it is a good idea to make sure you are nowhere near the wreckage when the humans emerge the next morning.

A tip for Christmas Day itself.  If you are going to play with your humans’ gifts or help yourself to tantalizing tidbits, be as unobtrusive as possible.  If you make too much of a nuisance of yourself, you will probably be deposited in an out of the way room.  So for maximum enjoyment, be stealthy.

Happy holidays!