Memory

Why do we have the memories we do? Humans are capable, to varying degrees, of remembering things that happened many years ago. Some of us don’t remember what we ate for lunch yesterday, or who our fifth grade teacher was, but we might remember our favorite Thanksgiving meal from thirty years ago, or our kindergarten teacher’s kind face. I think a lot of people have memories of pain or stupidity they would like to forget, but nothing happens to dull those memories or keep them from intruding unbidden.

Smells can spark memories of long ago moments. The smell of freshly cut lumber reminds me of grandpa’s “shop” where he created and repaired all manner of items. The smell of motor oil and gasoline bring back my other grandpa in his coveralls. Some smells link us to family in another way. My head smells the same as my dad’s and my son’s; just remembering that scent makes me pause to wonder at our connectedness. I have a well worn cap of my son’s. It is the last one he wore while he worked at the auto shop. It is very oily, dirty, and sweat stained. I will keep it forever just so I can smell his head scent on it and remember he lived and was connected to me.

Sounds bring back memories, too. Music, voices, natural and man made noises of any kind can bring back thoughts of the past. Who doesn’t recognize the sound of a roller coaster clanking its way to the top of the drop? A dentist’s tools, traffic, clocks, and thunder are common to us all, but the sounds of these can make each of us think of completely different things. I hear the car motor sounds from a Ford clock in my son’s room each hour of sunlight. I remember him having that clock on the wall when he was living on his own. I remember him setting it by ear so that the sounds matched the pictured vehicle for each hour. After my son's passing, the first time I got his father’s voice mailbox it was my son's voice telling me to leave a message. The shock of that sound brought instant pain. I had forgotten that he had done that for his dad, who had trouble figuring out his phone. I don’t think he would delete it if he could.

Seeing is believing. Seeing is also remembering. How many times has a friend rushed up to show you their latest photographs? The pictures help remind them of each moment captured. Familiar faces and homes are logged into our minds with specific memories. Sometimes, though, we see what we can’t really be seeing. Something familiar catches our eye and our mind whips out a memory to go with it, giving us the illusion that we are seeing the memory. I saw a thin young man driving an SUV out of town the other night. When he turned to look for traffic before driving onto the highway, I saw my son. The vehicle was totally unfamiliar, but there he was wearing that cap and looking serious. That was his mouth. Those were his soulful eyes. I knew it wasn’t him, but I was entranced all the same. At first I wanted to see better, but I knew it wasn’t him and then realized this was the perfect view I needed to remember.

Touch and taste can also be touchstones for memory. Hugs, a kiss on the forehead, a hand on the shoulder are all associated with fondness. You might remember someone telling you their favorite food when you later eat that food. Give your loved one a hug and tell them how much you like (or dislike) peanut butter. They’ll remember you for it later. It is still a mystery how or why.
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