the...

the words i like the most,
always piss me off.
the destroy, the stab.
the stain.  the blame.
the hurt me. 
the hurt you.
the hurt them.
who hurts the most.

and when i'm ripped apart,
it's by them.  it's me.
it's me.
it's you.

and.

all the places i know are black holes.

and the never let go,
so the don't let go.
i don't
let go.

the wounds "that never stop bleeding".
the misunderstood.
the not fine. so not fine. am not fine.

the not too smart.
the not too juvenile.
the not too full of myself.

and

the stand in a room.
the try to will myself.
the watch another movie,
the call someone,
the take a hot bath,
the do a dance,
the blah, the fuck, the pissed off.

and the when i jump
from this,
attached to earth
by only a string.
the wish gravity to enfold me
and
the let go of the dirt beneath my feet.

the disconnectedness.
will it hold me?
will it hold me?
the what on this,
this whole planet
can possibly hold me?

or keep me on ice.

the until when.

until i'm dead.
until i'm dead.
until i'm dead.
until i'm dead.

the what slows it.
what stops it.
what keeps it from spreading
when toes and fingernails
and the skin under tattoos and necklaces
feels tainted by just being.
until then.
until when.
until no one.
until i'm finished.