Mask

I’m trapped inside this mind.
I can’t escape.
I want to be free.
I want to be who I am,
not what everyone wants me to be.
But how can I, if what I am isn’t good enough.
I have to pretend, the mask lies within reach.
This strange temptation calls to me,
I grasp its glittering form,
a chance at perfection, beauty,
A chance to fit in,
Everything I’ve always wanted,
Or is it everything everyone else has wanted?
Is this who I want to be?
A mask, an empty stranger to the world, to myself.
This is my existence, an unreal universe of nothingness.
But if this bewitching guise, this deceiving facade
Can protect me, shelter me from prying eyes,
Then I must put on this misleading masquerade
And, concealed by my mask, perform for the world.
I have to pretend, to survive,
To live in this world of walls and chains.
So that I can save myself from loneliness,
being stranded alone.
I fear that loneliness, hate it.
Hate it because my fear of it forces me
behind these bars.
Could this really be me, this hollow stranger?
My life is desolate now, only my outer appearance seems unblemished.
How can I pretend to be happy when my heart is scarred?
This battle in my mind consumes me.
I am sorry.
This isn’t really who I am.
And I cry angry tears, acid tears.
It hurts.
Why must I try so hard to fit in
when everyone around me seem to be free.
I try,
too hard sometimes, I think.
I trust,
too much sometimes, I know.
And they betray me.
I long for it though.
Someone to trust completely.
Someone who won’t judge me.
Someone whom I know won’t hurt me.
Abandon me.
But I know that I’m hoping for too much,
an angel in human form.
No one is perfect, neither am I.
How can I expect them to trust me
when I can’t do the same.
What if I open up, drop all my pretenses
and they think that I’m not good enough.
Think less of me,
and they leave.
But I am so tired of it.
I want to be free.
I don’t want to be a burden.
But please just listen, or try.
Please don’t brush me aside.
Because you know what? I matter.
If not to anybody else, then to me.

So I stand before you,
stripped bare and vulnerable,
naked and unsure,
of myself and of you.
Asking you not to judge me or reject me,
Nor to make assumptions and ridicule me,
Instead pleading for you to help me.
My mask has crumbled to dust,
My fake words and gestures melted into obscurity.
I am nameless,
Perfect in my imperfections.
Unique,
I need you to help crush the bars that surround me.
I need you to break the chains that wind around me and suffocate me.
Because only you can release me from my insecurities,
and my fears that fasten a black lock on my heart.
Only you can fill this void that devours me,
And then maybe one day, when I discover the strength within myself
I will find my wings
And I will fly.