until there is no need

Every year over fifteen thousand unwanted dogs and cats are euthanized at the Oklahoma City Animal Shelter.  Those charged with carrying out this assembly line approach to death are referred to as vet techs.  I want to be a vet tech at the Oklahoma City Animal Shelter.  I want to be an Angel of Death.

I want to be the one to take the trembling, frightened animal from the stainless steel crate-their temporary home.  I will carry them from the noise and confusion of the shelter’s kennel to the quiet room where I will end their life.

Having been cast out like so much refuse, I want to hold them close so that they feel the warmth of my body and the calm of my demeanor.  I will scratch and stroke and coo until they perceive that I hold no ill will, that I do not judge, that I can be trusted.

I want to be the one to gently insert the needle into the cephalic vein, the portal of their destruction.  I will let them know that this is not punishment, that they have done nothing wrong.  I will silently ask for forgiveness for the collective injustice our species has done to them.

I want to be the one to administer the euthanasia drug, the pink stuff- Fatal Plus.  I will let it flow slowly through the needle to minimize the pain at the injection sight.  As the heart-rate begins its’ descent to zero, I will move my face closer to theirs.  I will make eye contact and hold their pleading gaze-one sentient being to another.

There will be no struggle, no gasping for breath.  Their body will become calm; their muscles will become limp.  I will rest my hand on their face and tell them in these last moments of life that they are good dogs and that they are loved.

I want to be the one to carry their lifeless bodies to the incinerator.  I will lay their remains gently, respectfully inside the crematorium with the knowledge that soon they will be returned to the dust from which all life began. 

As long as there is a pet overpopulation problem, I want to be a vet tech at the Oklahoma City Animal Shelter.  I want to be an Angel of Death.