Dear God

Dear God,

I turn to you because in one breath my life has changed, it's forever been shattered and I don't know how to pick up the pieces. Every day, every moment, I go over in my mind the events of that night hoping that it will change the outcome....it never does.

My son and his two friends left my house that night, none of them drinking, none of them doing anything out of the ordinary. The phone call from my son's friend telling me that they'd had an accident and were ok but they couldn't find the third person. I saw the rescue units pass my house, but they had called me so no one could be hurt. In my mind, everything was ok.

Yet, the child my son grew up with, the boy who became like one of our own, was lying beneath his car. A child who at seventeen had so much in front of him. This young man who was so full of life and laughter, and showed so much respect and kindness to others, was taken from us.

The drive to the hospital, the long wait to see if our son was ok. Walking into that room to tell my seventeen year old baby that the boy he refered to as his "other half" didn't make it. To look into his eyes and see the sparkle and life forever drained from them.

Lord, I feel like my heart is shattered. Watching my son struggle to find the courage and desire to go on without his best friend and knowing that this truly beautiful person will never laugh with me or cry with me again. I think of what his parents are going through and I feel physically sick.

I am so thankful that my son's life was spared and I truly am trying to find hope again. I've always believed in you and trusted you to take care of things, it's just that sometimes the pain is so intense it seems to blind me. I know there's a reason, I know that you know best, and I know it's not for me to know right now so I simply have to trust. Just give me the strength to face another day without someone I loved so much and help me find the hope that somewhere in this messed up world there still lies beauty.