Villainous Jim

It was as a matter of course a dark and stormy night that fateful night so very long ago.  But then, I’m starting the story near the end, aren’t I?

Where this story actually starts is with the childhood of a particular man named Jim.  Contrary to expectations, the villain of this story doesn’t have the sort of name you would think a self-respecting villain would insist on, like Lucifer or Mephistophilis, but then this man, this Jim, didn’t consider himself a villain at all.  In fact, he felt that he was doing a favor for all educated mankind, but I’m getting ahead of myself again.

Parents are always a little concerned at their first child.  Is he learning to walk too slowly?  Oh dear, honey, did any of the kids on your side do that thing with the applesauce and the catapult? But Jim appeared perfectly normal throughout his younger years. Actually, he was the sort of boy that made his parents proud and always had an A to bring home.  Jim’s teachers enjoyed having him in their classes and the only potentially negative comment any of them ever had at Parent /Teacher conferences was that Jim often seemed vaguely dissatisfied with the school system in general.

“Something’s missing,” Jim would say to his friends in school, “how do our teachers know that we’re actually learning anything?”

A shrug would be the reply, “we get quizzes, don’t we? “

“But it just isn’t enough, where is the incentive, the motivation to know the minute inessential details of our every textbook?”

And so, the unfortunate foundation was laid.  Jim would ruminate on this problem for years before the perfect solution came to him.  It had to be just nasty enough, just weighty enough to make sure that the end of each school term didn’t end with a natural downward slide.

“The students get lazy when the break gets close.  Something has to be done about it!”

And finally, on a dark and stormy night, it hit him.  He needed to instate a test so devious, 22 hours of each day would be needed to prepare for it.  A test so devious, it could make the difference between an acceptable grade and a positively foul one.

“But what shall I call it?” Jim asked himself as thunder rolled ominously outside, “I need a descriptive name, one that really tells those students what their facing while not giving them enough warning to drop the class while they still can…

“A FINAL!” Jim exclaimed victoriously.  “And what a fitting name for something that is potentially the final end of each student every term.  And yet, it still sounds civilized, it won’t alarm anyone in authority.”

Lightning and thunder crashed in the background as various animals and sensitive individuals shivered simultaneously, sensing a dark force entering the world.

I wish that my story could take a turn up from here, but unfortunately Jim had the scholarly world so convinced he was a good guy with the well-being of students and teachers everywhere in mind that the few that saw the evil coming were speechless against the majority.  No one yet has had the strength and valor to take on Jim’s creation and bring it down for good, although thankfully Jim himself is long gone. 

But one day, oh, one day we’ll be free from this abomination.  One day a hero will rise and save us all.